Lunch Break l

One of my highlights this week was when family members meet at the hospital to have lunch together.

We didn't all arrive at once so there was some waiting time.

In case you can't tell, that is chair ballet.

Chair ballet is exhausting.

Eric arrived in time to wait with us.

Even Sam joined us. Since he works a night shift, this was a rare event. I am not certain he will remember it. He was pretty tired.

I expect Sam woke up later that evening and wondered if that had been a dream. Maybe he was wondering that even at the time.

It is these small moments, the ones that kind of run together in my mind later on, that provide a background of joy for this life of mine.

And I will just end with this...

Mom's Vacation

Last week my Mom had some adventures. It isn't my story so I won't go into details but I will say that my Mom has a funny way of vacationing. Some people enjoy special attention at a spa but Mom received her special care in an ER followed by some days in ICU. She didn't have to cook or clean or even choose her own clothing each day. That must have been relaxing.

When Mom seemed to be getting kind of tired of the fun she was having at one hospital, she accepted an offer for a 2 hour ride with a comedian in the back of an ambulance. It was actually a trip out of state. Again, she got a lot of special attention. Again, she had people waiting on her hand and foot. They brought her injections, bags of fluid as well as special drinks that she usually did not get to enjoy at home... barium, potassium, etc.

While I was doing the tag-along thing on my mother's vacation, my family at home tried to get their own special attention. At least 3 other family members during that week required medical attention, including 2 trips to the ER. Talk about trying to steal Mom's thunder! We received word of the most recent one just as Mom was finally discharged from the hospital. It upset us both and kind of took the "fun" out of the whole experience. You can read about that situation right here. It is actually kind of a horrible/sweet story so I hope you will hop on over to my daughter's blog for a second.

Anyway.

I think the drama may be over. Mom is recovering well, although a bit worn out. You know how vacations can do that to a person. I am home. Life is getting back to normal. I am doing laundry and it just does not get any more normal than that!

When I first returned to town yesterday I went directly to check on the little granddaughters. I was so sweet to get hugs from Cordelia and Elise. Elise greeted me with, "I'm okay!" She told me the doctor made her all better. I noticed that she pretty much just ignored her broken arm and did fine with just one.

As a special bonus, my niece, Stephanie, and her boyfriend stopped in as well. That was a nice surprise!

So, what did you all do last week? What do you like to do for a little time away from it all?

Rejoicing Through Times of Trial

Philippians 4:4-7 is a scripture I have read many times and even memorized in the past. This week, however, it is like a stabilizing anchor.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything. But in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

This is a difficult week, not so much for me but for my Mom, who is sick and suffering. I came upon these verses again and decided I needed to memorize them and keep them right on the tip of my tongue while also tucked deep into my heart.

It is hard to think about rejoicing during the bitter days of life but that is what we are called to do so I am going to try.

I rejoice that God is God and no matter what is happening He is in charge. That's a big deal! He loves us and he is... Well, he is God.

I rejoice in the fact that we are living in a place and a time with medical care available. I especially rejoice in choices, specifically the choice to go where better care is available.

I rejoice that God has me wrapped in a loving web of family and friends who give me the support and assistance I need to better offer support to my Mom.

I rejoice in small things that bring her comfort...warm water, heated blankets and soft pillows. We know that many sick people don't get even that much.

I rejoice in technology so that I can remain in touch, even from Mom's hospital room.

I rejoice that Mom has so many people who care about her. She knows she is loved by family and friends. (If you are one of her NutriSystem Friends, know that she gave permission for this post mainly so you would know she had not dropped off the face of the Earth.)

I rejoice in big hospital windows and sunshiney days.

I rejoice in hope. I know there will be better days.

Heading Back

I took this photo right over the top of my Mom because, well, it would be mean to take her photo while she is recovering from surgery. She still looks beautiful but you'll have to take my word for it.

The last few days I've sat around a lot and done a whole lot of nothing. It's exhausting, really! Why is that?

Anyway, Mom has once again shown that she comes from strong stock. I can tell you for certain that she in most definitely not a whiner. She is not demanding. She can find humor in trying circumstances and she can give words of kindness in situations when most people would only be thinking of themselves. It has been my honor to be here with her.

I think it is time to take her home now, time to let her rest in her own bed.

Wyoming, here we come!

Hearing Bells

Nurses are used to hearing lots of bells and buzzers. When patients push their call button, a sound alerts the staff to come give assistance. When the IV bag needs replaced, another sound emits to alert the nurse to the situation. Monitors on patients go off when something goes a bit off there as well.

It has been so strange, sitting by my Mom's hospital bed, as I'm not a nurse there. She has nurses and aides and respiratory therapists and surgical staff to take care of her. My role has been that of a family member. 

It doesn't stop me from feeling like I need to answer everyone else's call light, though! I was sitting out in the waiting area and the elevator made that ding sound to announce it's arrival. 

Just like Pavlov's dogs, I felt the need to respond...not by drooling, though.

I think I'd feel better if I could do some of the nursing things for my Mom. She is, however, receiving great nursing care. I am so very grateful for those who have helped her. In fact, I am full of gratitude for all the medical care available to us. Really. She has been well cared for and will soon be home recovering.

Get well Mom!

Hotel or Hospital?

It is hard to tell, isn't it?

It is prettier than many hotel lobbies.

Everything looks shiny and polished.

The atmosphere is so relaxed, open and airy.

Even the wheelchairs are artfully arranged.

I appreciate the effort.

The Secret Tunnel

While it is not exactly a Secret Garden, our secret tunnel is pretty cool. While it isn't really a secret, there are a lot of local people who are unaware of its existence.

The surgical center where I work is across the street from the hospital. This cool tunnel runs under our parking lot, the street and a parking garage, connecting the two healthcare facilities. It is not just one straight tunnel. It has a few turns along the way. 

As it gets close to the hospital, there are walls with pictures painted by children. The colorful walls have been there for years. Sadly, I don't remember the story of who the children were that were allowed down there for the painting event.

It sure brightens things up!

Patients needing to go from one facility to the other can be wheeled through this tunnel but generally the public is not allowed access to it.

There are some old hospital beds stored down there.

There are a lot of big pipes as well.

Often, after working a long day at the surgical center,

I get to go through the tunnel to deliver paperwork to the hospital.

Oddly, it is one of my favorite parts of my job.

Now, you are in on the secret.

This Was Not My Favorite Week

This past week has not been my favorite.

Mike started Sunday off sick enough to warrant a trip to the emergency room rather than a drive to church.  That's kind of a big deal when you are the pastor.

Monday, Sam stepped on a nail.  I told him I was sure his tetanus shot was up to date.  When I got home from a long day at work I double-checked that statement I found I was wrong.  So, I drug us off to InstaCare.

Tuesday my throat started to feel sore.  I was nervous that I might be getting strep throat or any bacterial tonsillitis that would require an antibiotic.  Last time that happened to me the antibiotic gave C-Diff a chance to take over my life with multiple relapses, eventually landing me in the hospital and forcing me to resign from my job as a chemotherapy nurse.  I admit that I was letting worry take over my thoughts by Wednesday.

Yesterday at work we all learned that there was a killing at our small community college.  Schools were all put on lockdown.  I was first told that it occurred in the building where Sam spends most of his class and lab time!  I quickly stepped away from patient areas and called Sam.  No answer.  Any of you who are parents likely know that feeling I got in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was dumb to panic but I could feel it edging into my sanity nevertheless.  Our daughter is an instructor at the college but I already knew she was not there.  Later I learned there had been a related killing in their neighborhood.  Our son-in-law, unaware, had come up the police and the body of that person.  As all this drama was unfolding, I still had to keep working, caring for patients and trying to keep them from feeling my tension.

It was not my favorite week.

But...

Mike is feeling better.  He received medical care that was competent and kind.  All the worst-case-scenarios were ruled out.  The physician in the ER even prayed for Mike... out loud!  It made me feel so good I really wanted to hug the man.  I know that I teared up.  Usually Mike is the one caring for the spiritual needs of a person in the hospital.  I was so touched to know this ER Physician saw that Mike was in need of that care himself.  It was good.

After 24 hours of a very sore throat, just about the time I knew I'd better go get my throat cultured for strep, it started to feel better.  It turned out that I have a cold.  Although I've felt less than great these last few days, I did not have to face my fear of reactivation of C-Diff.  That was good.

Sam received his tetanus injection.  The visit also gave me a chance to talk him into a flu shot as well.  We were entertained by a funny little guy with an odd bedside manner.  I'm not sure if he was a physician or maybe a physician's assistant but he was quaint.  He told us he'd known three patients in his career who had developed tetanus.  One, he said, survived.  As he shook his head he went on to say, "The other two..." at that point he drew his finger across his throat to indicate death and made a sound that he must have thought indicated the sound a dying person would make.  It was so strange it was funny.  Sam won't be developing tetanus.  That is good.

Yesterday, after not too much time of near panic, Sam texted back that he was fine and hadn't been present at the crime scene.  Maria and Eric and their girls were safe.  We still do not know the names of the victims but we know that three people lost their lives.  We know that it was a horrible day for someone else.  We are grateful, though, that we had a police department that responded quickly and effectively.  We are grateful that people are drawing together, supporting students who witnessed a very horrendous homicide right in their classroom.  I am grateful that my family is safe.

I am grateful that a new week starts tomorrow.

Growing Up With Cerebral Palsy

My younger sister, Tina, has cerebral palsy.  She's done a lot of things in her life despite this fact, things like everyone else.  She went to college, she worked, she married, she had children, she traveled, she even lived in Japan for a time.  Later, she endured a divorce and carried on raising her children alone.  She lives in her own home, drives her own car and has her own friends.  However, all of those things are a lot more work for her than for anyone else.

Tina's life has always been a lot more work than for most of us.  She was such a pretty little blonde girl with a big giant smile!  We are close enough in age I don't really remember watching her learn to walk but it had to have been scary as she had to learn to walk with crutches.  Can you imagine?!  I remember her being just a little tiny girl walking with big clunky braces and teeny, tiny crutches.  At that time, that just seemed normal to me.  That was just the way she walked.

If I remember right, Tina started school in a hospital.  She was 5 years old when our whole family moved to Lincoln, Nebraska.  The reason for our move was because she had a long, long time to be in a hospital.  She was only able to be at home for holidays.  During that year she underwent a lot of misery.  Her hips were dislocated and the process to help her was grueling.  She was in a cast up to her waist with openings for her to go to the bathroom on a bedpan.  There was a bar between her feet.  At intervals, maybe weekly, they cut the bar and added more to it.  Each time we visited, her feet and legs were spread further and further apart until she had her legs sticking out almost to the side with a big round bar holding her legs that way.  It was awful.  I remember that bar very well because when she came home for holidays I shared my bottom bunk with her!  Looking back, I can't imagine how she endured all that.

When Tina was a first grader we were living in Scottsbluff, Nebraska.  Because she was handicapped, she wasn't allowed to go to school with us.  She had to go to a special school that had a classroom for handicapped kids.  I wish I had that photo here (it is at our Mom's house) of her first class.  She's so cute, all smiley and pretty.  In the photo, though she is maybe 6 years old, her classmates are much older.  They ranged all the way through high school age.  Most of them had handicaps of a cognitive nature.  I think Tina had a fun year and didn't know any difference, but that photo always makes my  heart sad.  I can't imagine how it made our Mom feel.

 Later, we lived in places small enough that there were no special classrooms for handicapped kids.  Thanks be to God!  Tina was a very smart little girl and needed a chance to learn alongside her peers.  

Unfortunately, Tina had more to endure.  When she was a third grader she had to go back to that hospital in Lincoln, Nebraska.  Our family had very little money and our Dad was trying to finish college and support us all at the same time.  Tina spent a lot of time in Lincoln, away from her family.  Later, that was repeated when she was in 6th grade or so, in a Shriner's Hospital in Minneapolis.  By then we were living only a few hours away and got to visit a bit more often but she still had to endure pain and frightening procedures alone.  On a side note, though, we all remain grateful to the Shriner's for offering all those services at no charge.  That's amazing.

Tina is smart.  In spite of her strange classroom experiences, she did well and later went through high school in only three years.  I think that those teen years were pretty tough, not that she'd say it to us then.   She was pretty, smart and sweet but a lot of teens, struggling to fit in themselves, did not take the time to get to know the girl on crutches.  I think most were nice to her, but few took the time to develop a true friendship with her.  That can't have been easy on her but it surely made her appreciate those who did see beyond the crutches.  Thankfully, as an adult, she has found a variety of kind and caring people who have been true friends to her.

Tina now writes a blog, Living With Cerebral Palsy, that helps others who are dealing with similar obstacles.  Her blog is also helpful to the rest of us, helping us better understand.  I spent my childhood with her and I still learn things from her blog!  I'm afraid that I was a typical kid, seeing things only from my own perspective and not always realizing what childhood was like for her.  Reading her blog can be eye-opening.  Today, she has a particularly clarifying post.  I really, really hope that you will click here to read what she has to say about living with constant muscle spasms. It's not a whiny post; Tina is not a whiny person.  It is, however, a post that may make you appreciate your own muscles a bit more.

I remember talking to Tina, when we were kids, about how it feels to be unable to walk.  She told me that it just felt normal.  In fact, she told me that the thought of walking like the rest of us was probably the same as it was for me to try to explain how it feels to not be able to flap my arms and fly.  She is, however, looking forward to heaven and to a time when she believes she will be able to walk.  I like to think she'll also be able to fly!

Kindness Bandit Fun

Like I posted yesterday, I was able to join Maria on one of her Kindness Bandit Projects.  If you want to know more about the Kindness Bandit check out THIS or THIS or maybe THIS.  You may get some new ideas of your own to do as random acts of kindness.

Nearly three years ago, when Maria had Cordelia, we learned that in our community there are a lot of people who arrive to deliver and have very little to provide for their little ones.  We looked at all the little outfits and such for Cordelia and got the idea of sharing the joy.  Maria remembered it as my idea but I'm pretty sure it was her's.  At any rate, all we did was buy up some baby stuff, package it and take it to the nurses in the OB Dept. to distribute at will.

We thought it would not only be a nice surprise for the parents but that the nurses would enjoy being the bearers of gifts.  I don't know if you realize this but often nurses are the bearers of yucky things, such as needles and enemas.  This would be a nice change, trust me.

So, now that Elise is safely here, we wanted to do the same.  We actually started buying up things when Maria was pregnant.  We just watched for clearance items.  We found some amazing buys!  For example, we purchased a bunch of snowsuits, originally about $20, for just $3!  Additionally, Maria crocheted up a bunch of sweet little baby hats.  I sure have a sweet daughter, don't I?

We divided it up into gift bags, encouraging Cordelia to join in the fun.  Maria took some photos which you can view HERE.

She seemed pretty concerned at first.  She really needed a lot of reassurance that we still had lots of baby clothes for Elise.  We liked that she was watching out for her little sister.  I think she did understand we were trying to do something nice, but I think it was hard for her to understand about people in need.

So, we loaded up the gifts...

...loaded up the sisters (notice Cordelia's fashion statement in bracelets) ...

...and made our delivery.  It just took a few minutes but it was fun for us and hopefully helped Cordelia learn about helping others.

Not long after our trip to drop off our gifts at the hospital, I had to stop at the store for some things.  What do you know?  They had more baby items on clearance and I have no self-control!  I guess we're going to have to do this again!

For the record, I also purchased two matching sister dresses for Cordelia and Elise that may fit them in a year or so.  I love clearance racks!

Blessings for My Grandchildren

Thank you for the positive reactions to my jewelry tradition idea.  And yes, EJN, I'd be honored if you used the idea.  I'm sure I'm not the only grandma to do such a thing.

Let me tell you my favorite idea!  OK, it isn't original at all.  Bible stories mention blessings being given to children.  While I'm not sure if my idea of a blessing is quite what they were doing,  I decided I wanted to do a blessing.  I am not smooth enough to do it spontaneously so I planned ahead and wrote it all out.  I carried it around in my purse for weeks so that I'd have it with me for the birth.  Even though I had it memorized, I read it off the paper to be certain I got it exactly right.

Nearly three years ago, moments after Cordelia's birth, I spoke (actually cried) these words...

May the Lord come near to you and call you his own.

May he give you a sure heart and a kind spirit.

May you always know him as your source of strength.

I wrote out a copy for her baby book and it is my intention to cross-stitch it for her someday.

On Tuesday, when Elise was so new she was still steaming (not really), I spoke this blessing for her...

May God shelter you with mercy and wrap you in love.

May he pour into you both courage and compassion.

May you always trust him to light your path and be your power.

On both days I traced the cross on each girl's forehead.  If anyone wants to copy this plan, go for it.  If you have trouble getting started, try reading scripture.  I found inspiration from the Psalms as well as other passages.  I didn't directly use any particular Bible verse but maybe you'd like to.  Also, is there any reason this couldn't be done for a birthday or any other special day?  It doesn't have to be on the day of birth.  I'd love to hear your thoughts or ideas of ways to incorporate blessings.

I took about a thousand photos this week, but this one is my favorite.  Maria was so glad to be reunited with Cordelia after being separated from her during the last part of labor and the sweet sisters were having their first face-to-face.  Although Daddy isn't in the photo, he was just to the side of his girls.

People, it just doesn't get any better than this.

A Powerful Force

Watching our children suffer through illness and injury was one of the worst things we've endured in our lives.  Now, though, I've discovered that watching a grandchild suffer is even worse.  It is a double whammy because you love them and want to ease their suffering and then you look at your own adult child and see pain and worry and fear and tears and you want to ease that as well.

Cordelia has spent the last two nights in the hospital.  She's endured a lot of miserable testing on top of her illness.  The good news is she is improving and should be discharged this morning.  Her parents can love her up in their own home and slowly return to normal.  

Cordy's daddy was out of town so I spent the first night at the hospital with Maria and Cordy until he could get to them the next morning.  That wasn't a sacrifice for me.  I NEEDED to be there.  What was hard for me was to not take over and try to be the mom.  I really wanted that little girl in my arms the entire time.  I wanted to hold her while she cried, hold her while she vomited and hold her while she slept.  I don't know if it is the nurse in me or the mom in me, but it was a powerful force. 

The only thing that kept me under control at all was watching my daughter with that same powerful force, that same need to hold and protect and comfort her child.  I knew that my main job was to support my own daughter, to be there for her but to not be in the way of her need to mother.  It was difficult to see her worry but it was also quite beautiful.  She is such a gentle and loving Momma.  She'd never been  in such a situation as this but her instincts are good and she knew just how to comfort her baby.  I am very proud of her.

Cordy is a lucky little girl because she is blessed with a great daddy as well.

...and soon she will be back to her usual healthy self.

Hospital Report

I spent last night in our local hospital.  Our grandaughter, Cordelia, is very sick and was admitted last night.  Maria, our daughter, has already blogged about it on her blog (we are still at the hospital) so I'd ask you to just go to Little Things are Big to read more. 

She is already showing signs of improvement and I know it will all be ok.

My Life Was Interrupted

I am attending a Women's Bible Study at our church.  We are about to complete our study of Jonah by Pricilla Shirer.  It is not the first time I've studied Jonah.  It seems each time I go through  it I get something new from it.  Pricilla started right off talking about how Jonah's life was interrupted.  That caught my attention in a personal way...

My life was whirling along just as I'd planned in early 2010.  I was working as an oncology nurse and absolutely loved what I did.  Yes, it was hard and stressful at times but I found such satisfaction working with these people.  I was up close and personal with people who were often discovering they were able to draw upon a strength they previously hadn't even acknowledged.  It was beautiful.

Then, early last year I got sick.  That's not supposed to happen!  I am a caretaker!  I was treated.  I got better.  I got sick.  I was treated.  I got better.  I got sick.  I went to the hospital.  I was treated for a long, long time.  I got a bit better.  I got sick again.  You get the idea.  Each time I got better, I returned to work.  Finally, it became apparent that I needed to give up the job I loved, at least for now.

MY LIFE WAS INTERRUPTED! 

So, what now?  Maria (my daughter) and I came up with a plan to build on a little home business idea.  I'd made and sold a few pieces of jewelry before but was always too busy to really do much.  But now, we've made all sorts of things!  We've had a lot of fun and I've really enjoyed being creative.  It's been such a joy to be with Maria and Cordelia (grandaughter) so much.  There are many good things about it but I still fretted that I needed to get back to taking care of patients.  I thought that was my calling!

Through this study I've felt myself becoming more relaxed about the changes.  One of the things that bothered me was that being an oncology nurse felt like a ministry to me. I felt it was God's plan for me.  Well, it was, but maybe not forever...or maybe not again for just awhile.  Now, I realize that it doesn't have to make sense to me, but it is important that I just trust God to lead me to what his plan is for me.  It's humbling and it has been a bit hard on my ego, but it has been a growing experience for me for sure!  I don't know where it's going from here, but I know who is in charge!

The title of this blog, Only The Manager, is a result of this study and my life's interruptions.  God is the owner of my life, I am only the manager. 

I bet you've had interruptions as well.  I'd like to hear about them. (That sounds strange to write since I have only 1 follower right now, but who knows?)