Retro Post... Women Supporting Women

No, I am not going to do retro posts every day this month, but I am going to indulge myself this way off an on throughout the month. I hope you don't mind. I wrote the following in March of 2011.

Women Supporting Women

Two things happened yesterday.  Both involved the interactions of women and it made me ponder the power we have with our most simple actions and words.

I received a phone call from a friend, always a nice thing.  We worked together at my last job and I so appreciate that she keeps in touch.  We had a nice conversation.  However, she did tell me that another woman had mentioned my name, blaming me for a problem she had caused herself.  It was just one sentence but it really caused a flood of negative emotions in me!  I wanted to do something!  I wanted to write the woman a strong letter!  I stewed about it for an hour or so.  Why would she do this?  What had I done to make her want to make me look bad?  Who else was she talking to?  Were people believing her lie?  I am sorry to say that I allowed this news to really sour my afternoon.

Then.... I went to Bible Study.

What a contrast!

Our little group had decided we wanted to offer encouragement to someone.  So, as a group, we decided to offer encouragement and support to a woman locally that we knew was under a lot of stress.  Most of us didn't really know this woman but she is an administrator of a healthcare facility that has been having a lot of problems lately.  We knew that she probably felt she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders right now.  In fact, we ended up deciding to spread the love and we are planning small ways to support not only her, but two other women who work with her.  We enjoyed talking about the little things we could do to let them know we are supporting them, without judgment...women supporting women.  Even just the planning made us feel good.

As I'm thinking about this I'm remembering other times when just a few words changed someone's outlook, if even only for a few minutes.  We have so much power! 

I watched a pharmacy clerk yesterday as she was preparing my order for me.  I've interacted with her many times before and she's always seemed a bit sad and maybe a little pinched, like she was tasting something bitter.  I'm a little scared of her.  She had a new haircut, though, and I was silently admiring it.  Finally, I decided to just do it, blurt out what I was thinking, "You've got a new hairstyle.  I really think it looks nice."  That's pretty much all I said but you should've seen the change!  Her eyes shot up and she looked right at me.  I don't think she ever did that before!  She smiled!  She tentatively reached her hand to her hair and smiled again.  It was a beautiful transformation to see.

We need to support one another, not discourage.  So, just remember, you have a lot of power!  Please use it wisely and for the good!  ...And use it often.

Best of... Only The Manager

You know how musicians put out their "best of..." albums? I decided that I want to do some of those for my blog. When I go back and read through a lot of my posts I think they sound kind of dumb. I may even feel a bit embarrassed by them. However, there are a few that I think are worth repeating. Maybe I was better tapped into a higher wisdom those days. I don't know. Sometimes I just think I happen upon a topic that is worth a rerun. The following is one such rerun...

 Edify, this is a very important word to me.  It goes through my head a lot.  Sometimes it really annoys me.

(from firstcal.org)

The definition of edify includes "to build up, to construct, to strengthen a person" as well as "to inform or enlighten intellectually or spiritually." (from dictionary.reference.com)  When I consider if something is edifying or not, I ask myself if any good can come from it.

I suppose you wonder why such a nice word can be annoying.  Well, sometimes I just want to say stuff, whatever I'm thinking.  It may be something that would classify as gossip or it may be something just a little bit mean.  Why do I want to say things like that?  I don't know, but sometimes I just do.   I'm not proud of it but there it is.  It may be something like, "Hey, have you gained weight?" or "Did you hear that so-and-so cheated on his wife?"  It is even possible to SOUND sweet when you say it.

(from Kerripom.com)

Also, if you say "bless her heart" after such a comment, it's ok, right?

WRONG.  WRONG.  WRONG.

Usually the word "edify" comes to mind when I take time to think before I speak.  I'm guessing the Holy Spirit is responsible for that.  I'll have these little brakes screeching in my head and I find myself thinking, against my will, "Is this edifying?"  Rats!  I am usually, but not always, able to stop myself from blabbering out the non-edifying thoughts.

On the flip side, sometimes I find myself thinking edifying thoughts about someone but don't make the effort to share those thoughts with them.  I'm trying to notice when I DO have an edifying thought so that I may pass it on.  Even that can be difficult.  Maybe they will think I am a weirdo.  What if they think I am trying to butter them up or think I am being phoney?

I have to say, though, I've yet to get a bad reaction when I pass on an edifying thought to someone.  It might be one-on-one or it might be saying something edifying in front of a group, but it needs to be said.  This world can be dark and scarey, but we are called to be bright lights of hope, letting Jesus shine from the inside out.  We are to encourage and build-up others.

(from Centralaz.com)



                    Maybe striving for an attitude of edification is where it all starts.

                                   This is a link to a post on a blog I enjoy.
          http://loveinactionjourney.blogspot.com/2011/06/speaking-up-loud-clear.html
            Janine elegantly writes on this subject.  You could say it is an edifying post.

So, now you know about being edifying.  Now you know why sometimes I look like I have a little struggle going on in my head as I am questioning myself, "Will this be edifying in any way?"  What are your thoughts on the subject?  Does edification come easily to you?  Tell me about ways you've found you can be edifying.

On Guard

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just thought you might want to see a different view of my new haircut.

OK, now on to my problem of the week... gossip! I'm talking about those sneaky little situations that pop up and catch you off guard. 

I bet that any of you who have ever worked in a place with a lot of other employees, or maybe with just one other employee, have found yourself standing in the midst of turmoil.  You know what I am talking about, don't you? One person leaves the room and the others start talking about them. It usually is not talk wrapped in kindness. I hate that! I hate it even more if I realize it came out of my own mouth!

The thing I hate most about this is that it is soooooo easy to get sucked into the conversation! I want to be ON GUARD for this. I don't want to even give the appearance of confirming the mean things people say about each other. It is hard to do, though! It is easy to forget who I want to me in such a situation. It takes almost no effort to just ride along with the conversation. It is wrong, though.

I'm trying to prepare myself for such moments. Maybe then I will remember to say helpful words. I have decided that it is usually our own low self-esteem that makes it so tempting to bring others down. That really complicates the whole situation. How do you stop a gossipy situation from progressing without making others feel reprimanded or further demeaned themselves?

I am trying to come up with some set responses, things I have in my head and can access easily in the heat of the moment. Do any of you do this? Do you have any great ideas for me? I really think it is possible to do this and to get others to follow a more positive track in a discussion!

So, give me some ideas. If someone is saying snippy things about Mary Louse (I don't really know any Mary Louises) can I just interject something positive about her, such as "Mary Louise did a nice job cleaning off the desk this morning." ? In the moment I may not come up quickly with something positive that is unique to the situation or person. How about, "We all struggle with that sometimes, don't we?" That may work for a more wide variety of conversations.

I need some help here, people! Please give me some more one-liners that I can tuck into my little head. I want to have encouraging, kind and positive ways to do this. Give me some ideas!

While I wait for your responses, I'm going to memorize the following verse. It was in my daily e-mail message from KLOVE today and it really fits into what I've been needing lately.

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.

~ 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, NLT

The Power to Influence

Not long ago I made a minor mistake. I apologized. What I received for my apology was a single sentence that was thought out and constructed to make me feel small in front of others. It wasn't any big deal. I didn't let his opinion define me as he doesn't even know me. I admit that I did let his words float around in my head the rest of the day and they had the power to bring me down a bit. I still don't know exactly how to control those kind of thoughts but by the end of the day I had pretty much wrestled that one to the ground.

I have attended enough communication and relationship workshops to know that no one but myself is responsible for how I feel. Others can try to demean me or lift me up, but the ultimate responsibility for my feelings is me. Yea, yea, yea.... I know that. But, like most people, I allow the words of others to affect how I feel about myself, at least for the moment.

By contrast, I have so many friends and family that make me feel valued. Again, I know that only I am responsible for my feelings but they make it so much easier for me to feel good about myself! That's what I want to do for others as well. I want to make it easier for people in my day to feel good about themselves.

I don't want to pass out empty compliments but I do want to notice people more. Sometimes that may be what they need the most, just to be noticed. I'm going to try harder this week to do that. If someone bags my groceries with good care, I want to thank them and let them know that I noticed. If a patient is showing courage in the face of great fear, I want to commend them. Perhaps they haven't attended all those relationship workshops and they will allow me to influence how they feel. If so, I'd better use that power wisely and use it for good.

How about you? Do you have stories of times someone's words helped you feel better about yourself?

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, 

people will forget what you did, but people will never 

forget how you made them feel.” 

― Maya Angelou

Happy Birthday Beautiful Daughter!

This
pretty
young
woman...
is
our
daughter,
Maria.


Sometimes
I
look
at
her
and
am
amazed
by
her
beauty.




Her loveliness goes way beyond what you can see in this photo, though, because it shines outward from her heart. She has such a determined sense of kindness and caring, she brightens this world! She is known for her artistic eye and creative talent. She teaches and shares her skills with others, pointing them toward their full potential as well.

To watch her mother her two little girls is pure joy for me. She mothers with a wonderful mixture of wisdom and gentleness. Her sweet girls are lucky children to have such a mother.

I will always be grateful that I was given the gift of mothering her.

I am so proud of our daughter, and today is her birthday!

Happy Birthday, Maria! I love you so much!
.

Reminder's Cross

I had such a lovely surprise at work yesteday! A former patient, one I first met when I was working as an oncology nurse, dropped by. I received word that I was needed at the front desk and when I looked out there, I saw a familiar face.

Last time I saw this kind lady, she was in for a procedure at my current place of employment. We'd had a fun time reconnecting. At some point she commented on the cross necklace I was wearing that day and mentioned a necklace she'd like for me to have, made by someone here in Wyoming. Truthfully, I'd forgotten about that...until she showed up today with this:

Isn't that cool? It came with a card that told me it was a "Reminder's Cross". The artisans name is Rob Wemmer. Below are the words on that little card.

"This is your Hand Made Reminder's Cross. Every Element of this Cross is a Reminder of the events at the Crucifixion of Jesus. The Nails remind of the Spikes used to place Him on the Cross. The wire reminds of our Faith, which binds us to our Christianity. It can also remind of the Crown of Thorns placed upon His head. The leather cord reminds us of the Whips used to Beat Jesus. Look at the knots. They are wrapped in the Fisherman's Knot, for Jesus said, "Come Follow Me, and I will make you Fishers of Men (Mat 4:16A Mk 1:17)-Also, the knots are wrapped 3 times for in 3 days, Jesus Rose! All of the elements combined make up your Reminder's Cross. "Hope that you wear it with all reverences and Respect to Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior."

When I wear it, I will also be reminded of, and grateful for, the remarkably thoughtful and kind people I have met in my life. 

If you are interested in a Reminder's Cross, there is a contact email address listed on the card as well: robwemmer@hotmail.com

Sick of Being Sick

OK. I will give it one more day and THEN THAT IS IT! I'm officially sick of being sick. I really didn't want to go on antibiotics but I've coughed so much I've pulled a muscle in my back. I am being treated for bronchitis and a sinus infection...possibly pneumonia but I deferred the chest x-ray unless I get worse. I doubt that will be necessary because, as I said, I'm just about to get well.

Seriously, I am talking about being sick of being sick, but I do know that this is a short-term illness and I realize there are many out there who deal with more difficult health challenges on a daily basis. Please don't take my whining too seriously.





Just before I went in for my appointment my friend, Nicole, dropped by with a sweet little bag of things to make me better. She brought chicken noodle soup, essential oils appropriate for my illness, mints and a pattern for crocheting. Thanks, Nicole! You are so thoughtful!











That last one particularly shows you that she knows what I like, huh? I'm so grateful for her friendship. I really have a lot of kind friends and I know what a blessing that is!







I don't yet know much about the essential oils but I'm learning. I know that some of the medications I used to give as chemotherapy came from tree bark and such, so it seems reasonable to me to experiment with these a bit. Nicole taught me how to use the ones she brought to me and I've got a good book on the use of them, including references to some of the efficacy studies. It's kind of fun to be learning about some of these ancient remedies. I've got my diffusers going and the house smells great! Have any of you used essential oils?

Sam's Last Year as a Teen

Sam turns 19 today!  Happy Birthday Sam!

It seems outrageous that it has been 19 years since this day... but it is true.

Sam was such a fun baby, adoring his older siblings.  However, Sam has always been a bit of an old soul.  That is, he seemed to think about things well beyond his years.  He's a watcher.  Even by about the age of 2 he was making comments to me about people that just blew me away.  He'd notice if someone was on the edges of a group or seemed withdrawn.  He's just always been insightful about human behavior.  

Little known fact: In Jr. High School Sam won the Kindness Award.  The recipient of this award is chosen by students AND teachers.  Sam won other awards during his school years, but none that made us more proud than the Kindness Award.  Sam is one of the World's Good Guys.

Sam is now just about 6'4" so he's a bit bigger than he was when the above photo was taken.  He's still a sweet boy.  His siblings are still very important to him.  He's good and kind and loving and sweet.  What more could a mother ask for?

Happy Birthday, Sam!  

Enjoy the last of your teen years. 

Know that you are well-loved.

Explaining Your Neighbor's Actions in the Kindest Way Possible

 I want to talk about Martin Luther for a minute.  Nope, I don't mean Martin Luther King, Jr.  I mean Martin Luther who was a theologian and reformer in the 1500's.  

Actually, this post is not so much about him but it is about one of the things I learned from his teaching.  He was an interesting guy and an important historical figure.  He certainly was not perfect but he was passionate about making the gospel available to everyone.  During a time in history when the average person didn't have access to a Bible, Martin Luther helped by producing crib notes.  OK, not really but Luther's Small Catechism is kind of like that.  

On to what's on my mind...

In Luther's Small Catechism there is a part that comes to my mind often, sometimes really often.  The part I am referring to is his explanation of the 8th Commandment, the one that tells us we aren't supposed to lie (bear false witness) about our neighbors.  Biblically, a neighbor is pretty much anyone around you.  I think we all know that lying isn't right.  Luther, however, goes on to say we should not just refrain from lies but we should also explain our neighbor's actions in the kindest way possible.  What?  That's asking a lot!

Explaining your neighbor's actions in the kindest way possible is very difficult and perhaps goes against my very nature.  My first instinct might be to point out my neighbor's flaws, maybe hoping it will make me look better by comparison.  Of course that doesn't really work but still, it is a human tendency.  

I have noticed, though, that when I start making myself at least try to explain someone's bad behavior in the kindest way possible, I become less judgmental.  I start to understand them just a bit.  For example, I might notice that the young woman who was just a bit pushy has 4 little kids tugging on her.  Or perhaps the gentleman that scowled at me had a tummy ache.  Maybe the teenager who was rude had just broken up with her boyfriend.  See?  It's not that hard when you give it a go.  Be creative!

Probably you all do this all the time anyway, and the problem is mine alone.  In a world where we are made to believe we should fight for our rights, push our way to the top, teach them a lesson, stand strong against opposition, etc.  I am glad for a reminder from the 1500's of a different way to go through this life.  I want to try to be better at explaining my neighbor's actions in the kindest way possible.

Bb

It's week 2 for the ABC's of Bible Memorization.  Has anyone memorized the "a" verse?  Here's the "b" verse for this week...


Galatians 5:22, 23 By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

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Galatians 5:22

By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

How Did That Happen So Fast?

I think it was just a few months ago that Mike and I had our last baby.

He's now 18 years old, a legal adult.

He's 6'3" ...... at least!

How did that happen so fast?

Sam was a baby named by committee.  At the time he was born Ben was 8 yrs old and Maria was 12.  They had a lot of opinions about names as we discussed them.  When discussing a boy's name, there were lots of vetoes.  With many of the names Mike or I suggested, the older kids were very good at making up sassy nicknames or irritating rhyming names for the baby.  OK, I admit, I did the same with some of the suggestions.  Anyway, it helped us avoid names that would give future bullies a better chance at irritating him.  However, it also took a looooooong time to figure out what we'd name him if he were a baby boy.  Just a few weeks before delivery I said, "What about Sam?"  We were all riding in the car and all I heard was silence, no complaints, no annoying nicknames.  So, Sam it was.

Sam was also raised by committee.  His siblings helped us a lot with our parenting responsibilities.  Maybe they thought we were too advanced in age to manage it ourselves.  I'm sure it was fun for Sam to have everyone bossing him around and giving him advice.  That really hasn't changed.  Actually, I believe Sam always has and hopefully always will know that he is surrounded by those who love him.

Sam has been a quirky and delightful child to raise! He was great at "imaginating".  This was Sam acting out the moves from characters in video games.  I sometimes received strange looks while walking through Walmart with a 2 yr old boy following me making laser sounds or something, while kicking and hacking the space around himself.

Sam is smart and fun and has a sense of humor much like Mike's, dry wit.  It is as though they compete for the joke that elicits the biggest groans.  Sam can definitely hold his own in any groaner contest!

But at a very young age Sam also demonstrated the ability to understand human nature.  He often noted people's sadness and fears when he was just a preschooler.  He offered a quiet kindness toward others that I often felt was astonishingly sweet.  He's always had a soft spot for the "underdog".  He always tried to avoid hurting others. 

Sam will  probably be mad at me for telling this story, but at the end of Jr. High we received a letter stating that he'd been nominated for an award, to be announced at an award ceremony the next week.  It is a good thing we received the letter first as Sam wanted to avoid the ceremony altogether.  We forced him to attend.  He actually won 5 or 6 awards that night.  He was called to the stage so many times he was embarrassed.  The award that really made us most proud, though, was, the "Kindness Award".  The recipient was chosen by the student body as well as the teachers.  Sam had been absent the day the voting occurred and did not even know there was such an award.

We could not have been more proud!

Now, at 18, Sam is a college student with many paths opening up before him.  I think it is probably a stressful time, with many adult decisions suddenly upon him, but I know Sam will live a life of integrity. 

Sam will continue to make us proud.

Happy birthday, Sammer!



Her Name is Grace

My Mom's name is Grace.  I don't know how her parents could have known who she would become but they gave her the perfect name.  I looked up the word, grace, and found this meaning... elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.  It is as if the dictionary writer's knew my Mom!

This picture is her in the mid 1980's.  To her right is a photo of some of her grandchildren.  Does this woman look like anyone's grandmother? 

When I was a teenager, out with my Mom, we were often mistaken for sisters.  Maybe that should have bothered me but instead, it contributed to my pride in her.  It also made me hopeful and grateful for genetics! 

But more than her physical beauty, my Mom lives by her faith.  I don't think many realize this, but she's really the one who came up with the slogan, What would Jesus do?  Really!  When I was little, I remember her telling me that I should always try to behave how Jesus would.  She didn't just say those words, though, she lived them.  That was her greatest gift to her children.

This woman has been dealt some pretty harsh blows in life.  She's had more than her share of disappointment, but she always came up smiling.  During rough patches she displays more character than anyone I know.  She really, truly puts others first and she does so without a hint of martyr. 

Don't get me wrong.  My Mom is also a woman of strength and determination!  She is very, very smart and can accomplish anything she sets out to do.  I will tell you she can make most any shack into a beautiful home.  She infuses beauty into corners of the world that seemed to have none.  That is one of her greatest talents.  She could make her children feel secure during the most tumultuous circumstances, and she could breathe kindness into the worst of situations.

My Mom mothered more than just her own children.  All of my friends wanted to be around her more.  One of my friends referred to her as Mommy #2, not displacing her own mother but showing what my Mom meant in her life as well.  I ALWAYS knew I was special because I was HER daughter.

So, here's to the best example of womanhood I have ever encountered.  I am so very grateful for this woman who raised us and loved us unconditionally, this woman of talent and compassion, this woman of true grace... my MOM.

I love you, Mom

One day, when returning my shopping cart to the little corral place, someone walking by offered to take my cart.  Such a simple offer but it made me feel just a little bit better about the world.

Truly, it only saved me a few steps but it really did more than that.  

You know how sometimes a little event in a store can put you in a bad mood?  Maybe someone races to get in the check-out line before you or they talk real loud on their cell phone while blocking the aisle?  One of the worst for me is shopping in the early afternoon, hearing all the little children crying their way through the store while their parent talks in a mean voice to them.  I really want to just suggest they take naptime seriously and plan their shopping trips around that.

Oh, wait... this post is going in the wrong direction and I'm getting kind of down again!

OK, back on track!  I wanted to just talk about how one simple little gesture can  brighten someone's day.  I'm not talking about changing a life, but you never know how far that one gesture could go.  Perhaps by offering to return a shopping cart for somebody you put them in such a good mood they go home and speak more kindly to their child, who then loves up on the puppy instead of pulling it's tail.  The puppy grows up more calm and doesn't bite the mailman.  The mailman then has a brighter outlook on life and smiles at a group of teens as they drive by.  The teens then feel valued and instead of joining a gang and spraypainting grafitti, they go to college. While at college, one of them develops an interest in medical research and eventually becomes world-renowned for developing a cure for cancer...all kinds of cancer! 

Whew!  Good thing you offered to return someone's cart to the cart corral!

Women Supporting Women

Two things happened yesterday.  Both involved the interactions of women and it made me ponder the power we have with our most simple actions and words.

I received a phone call from a friend, always a nice thing.  We worked together at my last job and I so appreciate that she keeps in touch.  We had a nice conversation.  However, she did tell me that another woman had mentioned my name, blaming me for a problem she had caused herself.  It was just one sentence but it really caused a flood of negative emotions in me!  I wanted to do something!  I wanted to write the woman a strong letter!  I stewed about it for an hour or so.  Why would she do this?  What had I done to make her want to make me look bad?  Who else was she talking to?  Were people believing her lie?  I am sorry to say that I allowed this news to really sour my afternoon.

Then.... I went to Bible Study.

What a contrast!

Our little group had decided we wanted to offer encouragement to someone.  So, as a group, we decided to offer encouragement and support to a woman locally that we knew was under a lot of stress.  Most of us didn't really know this woman but she is an administrator of a healthcare facility that has been having a lot of problems lately.  We knew that she probably felt she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders right now.  In fact, we ended up deciding to spread the love and we are planning small ways to support not only her, but two other women who work with her.  We enjoyed talking about the little things we could do to let them know we are supporting them, without judgment...women supporting women.  Even just the planning made us feel good.

As I'm thinking about this I'm remembering other times when just a few words changed someone's outlook, if even only for a few minutes.  We have so much power! 

I watched a pharmacy clerk yesterday as she was preparing my order for me.  I've interacted with her many times before and she's always seemed a bit sad and maybe a little pinched, like she was tasting something bitter.  I'm a little scared of her.  She had a new haircut, though, and I was silently admiring it.  Finally, I decided to just do it, blurt out what I was thinking, "You've got a new hairstyle.  I really think it looks nice."  That's pretty much all I said but you should've seen the change!  Her eyes shot up and she looked right at me.  I don't think she ever did that before!  She smiled!  She tentatively reached her hand to her hair and smiled again.  It was a beautiful transformation to see.

We need to support one another, not discourage.  So, just remember, you have a lot of power!  Please use it wisely and for the good!  ...And use it often.