Wednesday, November 20, 2013

A Dark Day at Work

She's not in her office
Have you seen her? No?
Has anyone heard from her?

Nurse, friend to all.
Was she sick today?
One sent to check on her.

The waiting.
More waiting.
We don't know for sure, but we start to feel it.
Remember once before when she lost hope?
They helped her before.
They will help her again, right?

Too late?!
No, it couldn't be true! 

Reality.
The shock.
The gasps.
The denial.
The tears.
This doesn't feel like reality.

Strained smiles for the patients.
We can't make our eyes smile.
Do they see the pain?
Can the patients feel the darkness of our day?
Too much silence.
Too much.

Prayers for her family.
Prayers for her friends.
Prayers through tears.

Why?
Why?
Didn't she know we would want to help her?
That's our business.
We are the helpers.
We were right here all along.
Did she feel alone?

Just last week, what was she saying  about depression?
She said it takes over your mind and you just shut down.
I thought she referred to her past.
Did she know she was referring to her future?

Should we have known?
Could we have known?
Could anyone have known?

She said she was doing better.

Suicide.
Ugly word.
Grief and guilt, tangled up with anger and confusion.

We lost her to despair.
We lost her to pain.
We lost one of our own.

She was kind.
She wouldn't have hurt any one of us.
She hurt all of us.
She hurt herself.

How to understand this?
How to explain this?

Lord bring peace.
Only your peace can heal.
Only you bring lasting hope.
Lord bring peace
  and hope
     and healing.

Lord in your mercy,
    hear our prayer.