Get Well

Mom is better! She is much, much better!

I wanted to share with you the get well wishes sent to her by my daughter, Maria, and her little girls.

In His Care

I recently received word of someone we know who's child has been diagnosed with a brain tumor. I can only imagine the terror that diagnosis brought. We pray for her complete healing!

There is nothing worse than watching your own child suffer. I am convinced of that. Nothing. Our children are all fine but we have gone through some scary times when they were younger. Ben had severe asthma attacks that often landed him in the hospital. They often had a hard time starting his IV, requiring stick after stick after stick. One time he'd been poked by nearly every nurse in the hospital and they finally called an anesthesiologist from home who was able to get it going. Ben cried so long and so hard he finally fell asleep, not even waking up when they continued to poke him. There were times when I feared his little body would not be able to overcome his asthma, when I worried over each difficult breath. There were times we didn't know if we'd get to keep him. 

When Maria was in kindergarten, she had to have an emergency appendectomy. Afterward, instead of getting better, she got more and more weak and more and more sick. They didn't know what was wrong with her for several days. One day, when Mike was in the room with her, I went down to another floor to a bathroom. It was there that I fell apart. I sobbed out loud. I was so afraid that we were losing our little girl. I could see her fading away. I was so frightened! All I could do was try to cheer her and to pray fervently for her.

Eventually, they discovered that Maria had an intestinal blockage. They were able to help her and the light within her brightened. Our spunky little girl returned to us and we got to enjoy the rest of her childhood, and still now she brings a lot of joy to our lives.

Sam has not been through any life-threatening health crisis. That hasn't stopped me from worrying about his safety, though. Recently he was on an out of town road trip. I knew when he expected to return and when that hour passed, I could feel myself creeping to the edge of panic. I knew I was likely over-reacting but horrible visions kept creeping into my mind. Finally, I prayed. That didn't immediately erase my fear but it helped. Sometimes my faith is so weak.

We know from the Bible that Jesus cared for the children very tenderly. We read stories where he healed children. He never wants them to suffer. But, because we live in a world where we are allowed free choice, and humans don't always make good choices, we've inherited a world that is imperfect. We live in world where evil exists as well. That is the world we pass on to our children.

There is good news, though. Yes, we live with evil around and available at all times. However, as children of God, we are under his protection. Does that mean we don't suffer the maladies of this world? Nope. It does mean that we can bring our requests to the Almighty One. We know that our requests are heard. We know that we will all be healed, in time. Sometimes that healing happens here, in this world. Sometimes, though, healing means our loved ones get to get out of this messy world and go directly to God... to the arms of Jesus. Thank God that their lives do not end here!

I feel that we don't really see the whole picture from our point of view. That is where we've got to lean on our faith; we've got to trust in God's wisdom. I think it is ok, to pray my wishes to God. I will continue to tell him that I want my children and all my other loved ones to live long, healthy and happy lives. I hope that, with the gift of faith, I can continue to believe that God will protect my loved ones and keep them in His care, here and later in heaven. 

This Was Not My Favorite Week

This past week has not been my favorite.

Mike started Sunday off sick enough to warrant a trip to the emergency room rather than a drive to church.  That's kind of a big deal when you are the pastor.

Monday, Sam stepped on a nail.  I told him I was sure his tetanus shot was up to date.  When I got home from a long day at work I double-checked that statement I found I was wrong.  So, I drug us off to InstaCare.

Tuesday my throat started to feel sore.  I was nervous that I might be getting strep throat or any bacterial tonsillitis that would require an antibiotic.  Last time that happened to me the antibiotic gave C-Diff a chance to take over my life with multiple relapses, eventually landing me in the hospital and forcing me to resign from my job as a chemotherapy nurse.  I admit that I was letting worry take over my thoughts by Wednesday.

Yesterday at work we all learned that there was a killing at our small community college.  Schools were all put on lockdown.  I was first told that it occurred in the building where Sam spends most of his class and lab time!  I quickly stepped away from patient areas and called Sam.  No answer.  Any of you who are parents likely know that feeling I got in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was dumb to panic but I could feel it edging into my sanity nevertheless.  Our daughter is an instructor at the college but I already knew she was not there.  Later I learned there had been a related killing in their neighborhood.  Our son-in-law, unaware, had come up the police and the body of that person.  As all this drama was unfolding, I still had to keep working, caring for patients and trying to keep them from feeling my tension.

It was not my favorite week.

But...

Mike is feeling better.  He received medical care that was competent and kind.  All the worst-case-scenarios were ruled out.  The physician in the ER even prayed for Mike... out loud!  It made me feel so good I really wanted to hug the man.  I know that I teared up.  Usually Mike is the one caring for the spiritual needs of a person in the hospital.  I was so touched to know this ER Physician saw that Mike was in need of that care himself.  It was good.

After 24 hours of a very sore throat, just about the time I knew I'd better go get my throat cultured for strep, it started to feel better.  It turned out that I have a cold.  Although I've felt less than great these last few days, I did not have to face my fear of reactivation of C-Diff.  That was good.

Sam received his tetanus injection.  The visit also gave me a chance to talk him into a flu shot as well.  We were entertained by a funny little guy with an odd bedside manner.  I'm not sure if he was a physician or maybe a physician's assistant but he was quaint.  He told us he'd known three patients in his career who had developed tetanus.  One, he said, survived.  As he shook his head he went on to say, "The other two..." at that point he drew his finger across his throat to indicate death and made a sound that he must have thought indicated the sound a dying person would make.  It was so strange it was funny.  Sam won't be developing tetanus.  That is good.

Yesterday, after not too much time of near panic, Sam texted back that he was fine and hadn't been present at the crime scene.  Maria and Eric and their girls were safe.  We still do not know the names of the victims but we know that three people lost their lives.  We know that it was a horrible day for someone else.  We are grateful, though, that we had a police department that responded quickly and effectively.  We are grateful that people are drawing together, supporting students who witnessed a very horrendous homicide right in their classroom.  I am grateful that my family is safe.

I am grateful that a new week starts tomorrow.

Praying

This has been a hard month already, with a lot of bad news.  We are all fine, but people we love have been affected by death and illness.  We are feeling the pain of four families.  So, we pray.... and pray.... and pray... and pray.

For the four families we know who are dealing with pain and worry and sorrow, God is there.  They are all families of faith.  It makes me wonder, though, how do people get through the hard times without faith?

I'm focusing on Jeremiah 29:11, "I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for harm, to give you a future with hope."

Again, I thank God for HOPE, hope for a time when death and illness and worry and sadness and misery are no more.

My Life Was Interrupted

I am attending a Women's Bible Study at our church.  We are about to complete our study of Jonah by Pricilla Shirer.  It is not the first time I've studied Jonah.  It seems each time I go through  it I get something new from it.  Pricilla started right off talking about how Jonah's life was interrupted.  That caught my attention in a personal way...

My life was whirling along just as I'd planned in early 2010.  I was working as an oncology nurse and absolutely loved what I did.  Yes, it was hard and stressful at times but I found such satisfaction working with these people.  I was up close and personal with people who were often discovering they were able to draw upon a strength they previously hadn't even acknowledged.  It was beautiful.

Then, early last year I got sick.  That's not supposed to happen!  I am a caretaker!  I was treated.  I got better.  I got sick.  I was treated.  I got better.  I got sick.  I went to the hospital.  I was treated for a long, long time.  I got a bit better.  I got sick again.  You get the idea.  Each time I got better, I returned to work.  Finally, it became apparent that I needed to give up the job I loved, at least for now.

MY LIFE WAS INTERRUPTED! 

So, what now?  Maria (my daughter) and I came up with a plan to build on a little home business idea.  I'd made and sold a few pieces of jewelry before but was always too busy to really do much.  But now, we've made all sorts of things!  We've had a lot of fun and I've really enjoyed being creative.  It's been such a joy to be with Maria and Cordelia (grandaughter) so much.  There are many good things about it but I still fretted that I needed to get back to taking care of patients.  I thought that was my calling!

Through this study I've felt myself becoming more relaxed about the changes.  One of the things that bothered me was that being an oncology nurse felt like a ministry to me. I felt it was God's plan for me.  Well, it was, but maybe not forever...or maybe not again for just awhile.  Now, I realize that it doesn't have to make sense to me, but it is important that I just trust God to lead me to what his plan is for me.  It's humbling and it has been a bit hard on my ego, but it has been a growing experience for me for sure!  I don't know where it's going from here, but I know who is in charge!

The title of this blog, Only The Manager, is a result of this study and my life's interruptions.  God is the owner of my life, I am only the manager. 

I bet you've had interruptions as well.  I'd like to hear about them. (That sounds strange to write since I have only 1 follower right now, but who knows?)