Butterfly Release

Last week the hospice where I work held a kid's camp for children who had experienced a loss.  On their last day they invited others to join them for a butterfly release.  I thought Cordelia would enjoy that so Maria and Eric brought her.

Cordy came appropriately dressed, wearing a butterfly dress.  She waited politely for her butterfly.

I suppose I expected the butterflies to be in some big container and all be released at once.  As it turns out, they are shipped in individual little packages.  I was told later that they are sent chilled but kind of wake up as they warm up.  I didn't verify that but it seems like it could be true.  All I know is they handed out little triangular shaped boxes to each of us.  I could feel mine fluttering.

A lady gave a sweetly worded reading and let us know that as those kids were releasing their butterflies it was to signify them releasing their deceased loved one, or at least releasing the pain.  I don't think Cordy really got that part but it helped me understand why they were doing this.

I hadn't brought my camera so used my cell phone to capture the experience.  It kind of looks like Cordelia was holding the butterfly but she just had her hand up as the butterfly flew off past it.

They butterflies were beautiful.  It is just amazing to me, all the detail that goes into the beauty of their wings.

Have you ever been to a butterfly release?  

To My Children, A Word About Your Father

Dear Maria, Ben and Sam,

First of all, let me say, "You are welcome!"

Thanks to my fine choice you three have experienced the fatherly love of a good man.  All right, I admit, I didn't really think much about his fatherly potential when I chose him.  Nevertheless, I'm taking the credit.

You already know he was and is a fun person.  You  have to admit he was good at taking the time to play.  He was the one who would pretend to push you into the hot lava or shout out, "Kid Hunt!"  He also played a lot of Crazy 8, Candy Land and Old Maid.  He's a quirky guy with lots of character and I think that just adds to the adventure.

I hope you always knew of his love for you.  He made a lot of sacrifices on your behalf... all three of you.  He always put your needs before his own.  I think you know that, too, don't you?  He wasn't always confident that he knew how to parent but you always knew he would be there for you.  You knew he was steadfast and fiercely loyal to his family.  Even if you never really thought about all that, I'm sure it must have helped you feel more secure in a world that doesn't always feel safe.

Ben and Sam, in a world where boys aren't always shown how to be good fathers, you were given that valuable example.  Maria, because of him, you were able to recognize a good man for yourself and a good father for your own children.  For all of you, he's taught by example the value of integrity, generosity and perseverence.  He's also let you see his love for God, family, music, Montana, baseball and goofy dogs.  I don't know how all these things molds you, but I think those things, to you, will always be associated with your Dad.

So, again, I say, "You're welcome." Above any gift I ever bought or made for any of you, providing you with this man for your father was a stroke of genius and I know you are thankful.

Love,
Mom

Celia's Link to My Grandaughters

I am getting excited!  Maria and Eric will be welcoming their new daughter next month!  That little baby is quite definitely HERE now.  Maria is looking "full of life" and she's at the point where we can even see when that new little grandaughter has the hiccups!

When we were waiting for Cordelia's birth I remember feeling like my arms just needed to hold her, just as I felt as I waited for the births of my own babies.  I'm starting to get that feeling again!

One of the things I did before Cordelia was born was that I chose a piece of my jewelry that would someday be her's.  I know that seems rather premature but my plan was to be wearing it in photos taken the day she was born.  I'm particularly proud of that idea.  I chose a cross ring given to me by my friend, Celia.  I wear it often and I hope that for Cordy it is something she will remember having seen on me. For some reason the photo cuts off the bottom but trust me, I was wearing the ring in this photo.

For this new little person I want to do the same thing, only different.  I want both girls to feel special and to know they are individually precious.  I am narrowing it down.  I am thinking about a cross necklace, also from Celia, that I will give to this new baby.  

I didn't know it at the time of Cordelia's birth but there is another link to this tradition.  When Cordy was about a year and a half old, Maria and Eric purchased the house where my friend, Celia, grew up!  So, those girls will always have a link to Celia as well.  Cool, huh?

A Word From Pastor Mike... Life is Christmas, Good Friday and Easter

Not long ago the phone call came.  We were prepared.  We knew it was coming.  It was the news that our friend, Claude, had died.

Mike had pretty much known Claude his entire life.  They'd gone to school together for 12 years.  They'd been kicked out of confirmation together.  I didn't meet Claude until I moved to Turner, MT when I was 15.  At that point in his life, Claude was all about fun and friends.  I don't think anyone was ever bored when Claude was around!  Claude also had a sweet and kind side.  He seemed to notice people that others may have overlooked.

About the time Mike & I were planning our wedding, Claude got sick.  In fact, he was to be a part of our wedding but was too ill to attend.  We didn't then know that Claude would never again be well.  He'd have times of better health, but his illness was just the beginning of a long list of trials for Claude to endure.  Somehow, though, Claude managed to make his life meaningful around all the suffering.

Mike was asked to preach the funeral sermon for Claude.  He was honored to do it but I know it was hard for him.  I was unable to go to Montana with Mike because I couldn't find coverage for work.  I hadn't read the sermon until recently, when Claude's wife requested a copy.

I've always told Mike he did fine funerals.  I don't think he took that as a compliment but really, he has a way of bringing peace to people.  As I read Claude's sermon I was really caught by something Mike had written.  He described life by our major Christian holidays.  I know that you all didn't know Claude, although some of you did.  Nevertheless, I have a feeling that the words Mike spoke might bring you a sense of peace or understanding over the loss of someone you knew and loved as well.  I didn't exactly ask Mike if I could publish this but I don't think he'll mind.

"Life is Christmas, Good Friday and Easter. Jesus modeled this life for us. He was born. He had a calling in this life. He suffered and died. And then there was Easter. A new beginning.


We live. We do stuff. And hopefully we feel like God has given us gifts, purpose and calling in this life.  We may even suffer in this life and of course, we will all die. Our hope is in God for a new beginning.


Life’s not a game of perfect. God works with sinners, guys who get kicked out of Confirmation. God opens doors, shines light, gives second chances, forgives sins, builds faith and more.


And when it’s all over we come to moments like this. A service. A commendation. We say to God, “You take over from here. We don’t have the power in us. So we’re trusting Claude into your hands. He’ll be okay and we won’t lose heart.”

Like Mike said, "God, you take over from here."

My Computer is Ill!

Computer problems.... back soon!

Newer is Not Always Better

At a park in Sarasota we found this really old looking picnic shelter.  

I was charmed by it.

Nearby was the replacement picnic shelter.

See what I mean?  Newer is not always better.

The Photo Says it All

Anniversary Road Trip

Mike and I enjoyed ourselves Saturday .  We took a road trip as we celebrated our anniversary,  There is still a lot of Wyoming that we have not seen.  This trip was to Saratoga.

We made some friends along the way.

Bode came along.  We walked  him many times. He is not a natural boy dog, though; He hates to potty away from  home.  Isn't that weird?  We were gone for nearly 9 hours but he declined to relieve himself until we returned home.  We even had him look at a lot of water; that didn't do it.

We enjoyed a nice lunch at a restaurant/hotel that is on the National Registry for Historic Places.  We walked around downtown a bit but it didn't take too long.

We noted that Wyoming has a lot of space without people.  

We like that.

 A storm was trying to build but not much came of it, at least not that we could see.

I love road trips with Mike.

I am Sooooo Smart

I am so smart...

Or so lucky...

No, 

I am so blessed!

  A decision I made 34 years ago still makes me very happy today.

Happy Anniversary Mike.

Thank you for marrying me.

I love being your wife.

The Name of the Lord

Proverbs 18:10

The name of the Lord 

is a strong fortress; 

the godly run to him 

and are safe.

Prayer and a Telephone Call

I had an unusual thing happen this week..

Sometimes I am really quick in making decisions but sometimes I am faced with a big decision that is painful to make.  That happened this week.  It wasn't anything bad, in fact probably either way I chose it would end up fine.  It was certainly going to have a huge impact on my life,though.   

I have a place I go when I need to just think.  I go to my friend, Sara.

Actually, she's not there.  I go to Sara's grave.  Sara was one of my early chemotherapy patients and I ended up taking care of her for years.  Sara was also a nurse and we became friends. I adored her.

This is not Sara's grave but it was a pretty photo 

depicting a quiet, peaceful graveyard.  

I don't want you to think I am creepy 

because I find peace in cemeteries.

When Sara's cancer returned, it was sad but not unexpected.  Sara handled it all so well; she taught me a lot about putting faith into action.  I miss her but now, several years after her death, I go to her grave to think, especially when my thoughts are about my life as a nurse.

On Wednesday, at Sara's graveside, I received a phone call.  I didn't recognize the voice right away but it was from another former patient.  I'd run into her on several occasions over the years but we've never been phone buddies or anything.  It was right at noon when she, Barb, called.  She told me that I'd been on her mind for a few days but that she'd suddenly felt the need to pray for me.  She said she was going to wait until after lunch but felt she needed to call me right NOW!

I wept a bit.  You see, I was standing there pondering an unexpected opportunity to change employment.  The new opportunity came out of the blue and I was going to reject it.  I felt that I should stay at hospice, even though there were many signs that I should move on.  My issue was that I felt hospice was where I could have the biggest impact on people, be the biggest help.  The call from Barb made me remember that there are other jobs where I might be able to be helpful.

Yesterday I went to work, still unsure of what I'd do.  In the morning I kept thinking of how much I loved hospice work.  I prayed over and over as I worked, asking that God show me what I should do.  Well, I am convinced that God has a sense of humor.  They day just got worse and worse.  One of the hardest things for me at hospice is the 12.5 hour shifts.  I have some arthritis issues, maybe associated with Crohn's but I don't know that for sure.  I also have degenerative disk disease so my back sometimes gets pretty crabby as well.  I end up aching with my joints crying out for mercy.  Yesterday I ran my legs off for 14.5 hours!  By the end of the shift, I knew what I had to do.

So, there you have it.  I was sad to give my notice but the calm I felt afterward makes me think I have listened to God.  I am so grateful for the time I had working with the dying but I guess it is time to move on.  I don't know if it is because there is somewhere else I am needed more or if it is just because God is being kind and leading me away from something that is so physically demanding.  Either way, I just want to do his will.

Baby Bump

Just to update you, Maria is busily growing grandaughter #2.  I think she is beautiful wearing that baby bump, don't you?

Little Flower Girl

Yesterday I picked up Cordelia and brought her home to garden with me.  What a pretty little helper she was!  She really likes flowers and she really, really likes digging in the dirt.

I presented her with a pair of Dora the Explorer garden gloves but her Mom told me Cordelia specifically chose the rest of the outfit for her morning with Grandma.

I'd made the little dress she was wearing.  

She added the necklace and the hat made by her Mom.  Cordy fretted a bit on the way over because she realized she should have worn her garden hat.  She told me little kids shouldn't get sunburns on their heads.  I assured her the blue hat would help prevent that.

After we'd planted flowers and watered them, Cordy wanted to sort and stack the empties a bit.

Back at her house she asked me to take a picture of her smiling.  

I enjoyed a lovely lunch with Mike and later got to pick Bode up from the vet.  He was sooooo happy to see me!  He was all bouncy and happy but he kind of pooped out on the ride home.

He's doing well, though.

It was a lovely day, all in all.

I hope you all are having a nice start to June.

Get Well Mr. Wiggles!

Bode spent the  night at the doggy hospital.  He's got some kind of infection and he needed fluids as well as antibiotics.  I am hoping he gets to come home today.  Is it weird that I prayed that he wouldn't be too scared?

I have to say that our house was rather quiet last night.  No one wiggled at the top of the stairs when I came home.  Of course, we also didn't have to set something heavy on the lid to the garbage just to keep him from "snacking".  We didn't have to put the baby gate at the stairs to keep him from running downstairs to chase the cats either.  Nevertheless, I missed him, the big dumb goof.

I took this picture recently, on a day when he was feeling better.  He'd just pulled one of his naughty tricks of dragging his bedding out of his kennel.  I wouldn't mind but when he does that he then chews on it.  Oddly, he never chews on it within the kennel.



Just look at that face, though.

Doesn't he look guilty?

Feel better, Mr. Wiggles.

Healthy But Dead

So...

I was once reading through a patient's chart and I came upon a line that made me burst out loud with laughter.  I was reading the doctor's notes that stated the patient's parents were "deceased but relatively healthy."

Relative to what?!

I was just thinking about that and thought maybe you could enjoy a chuckle as well.

And as long as we are on the subject, what do you think of this tombstone we saw last week?  It seemed a bit out of place.  It was on the grave of a middle-aged man.  I bet there is a story there, don't you?

My Mom's Retreat Center

Bode was up waaaaaaay too early this morning.  I think he was having some tummy trouble but I think he is fine now.  Although I had my alarm set for 5:45 today, he had me up long before that.  I am not pleased, but it did give me plenty of time to work on my post, huh?

Have I mentioned how amazing my mother is?

My Mom bought an empty lot several years ago with the intention of having a house moved to it.  While she waited for her house, though, she had a playhouse from her old property moved there.  Sometimes she'd go over in the evening and sit outside her little playhouse for awhile, likely planning how to turn an empty piece of prairie into a park-like yard.  The thing that makes me laugh is that little kids in the neighborhood thought that little playhouse was her home!

Mom is an artist and can make a beautiful home out of just about anything.  I know this because I've seen her do it over and over again.  This little playhouse was originally built for grandkids but Mom went way above and beyond with it.  The interior is decorated beautifully!

It even has a porch!

Cordelia, like all the grandkids and great-grandkids, was entranced by it.  She loved going out to the little house with my Mom.  I loved looking around Mom's yard.

This is just a shed, but she made it so cute!

She's sprinkled such sweet touches around her yard. 

 Really, in just a few years she made this out of a dry chunk of prairie on the 

edge of a very ordinary neighborhood. 

I do not have the green thumb so I am constantly amazed by her!

 Beautiful, isn't it?

For the record, her real house is beautiful as well, but she still likes to sit out by the little house.

It's her own little retreat center.

(In the spirit of full disclosure, the two photos where Cordelia is wearing the pink tutu were taken last year.)

I Will Praise You in this Storm

I Will Praise You in This Storm

by Casting Crowns

Meet the Bloggers

I've taken to preparing posts ahead of time for when I am scheduled to work long shifts at hospice.  This is one of those posts.  I hope you are all having a lovely week-end, maybe laying around reading a good book and sipping on lemonade, while I am slaving away.  Sorry.  Putting people on little guilt trips just comes naturally to me.  The honest truth is I had several days off in the middle of the week while you were likely slaving away.  This post reflects on one of those days.

We are a bloggy bunch, me and my relatives.  Maria (daughter) has been blogging daily for years.  I was perplexed when she first started blogging.  Why would anyone do that?  Why would anyone want to give themselves a writing assignment every day?  And isn't it like writing a diary?  That's something you should hide under your mattress, not put out for the world to read!

Well, apparently we are a writing bunch of relatives as many of us have followed in Maria's footsteps.  When we were at the cemetery the other day four of us were together.

Maria, Me, my Aunt Michelle, My Cousin Anne Marie

Cordelia doesn't blog - YET!

Maria's blog is Little Things are Big.  She has been writing in it for years.  

I love reading it!  

She writes well and I enjoy seeing the world through her eyes.  

She finds beauty just about everywhere. 

My Aunt Michelle writes A Wyoming Woman's Thoughts.  Anne Marie writes Bits & Pieces.  

I'd encourage you to check them out as well.  They both write about family and living in Wyoming.  

They also have some great photos!   

When we left the cemetery that day we went on to have lunch with my sister.  

Guess what!?  She's a long-time blogger writing Living With Cerebral Palsy.  Her blog helps connect people who are handicapped.  It is also great for anyone who wants to better understand how a handicapped person deals with obstacles and overcomes adversity.  You will learn about real courage there!

So, if you have some time, know that you are invited and welcome to stop by their blogs as well.  Maybe you will figure out what's wrong with us; why do we impose writing assignments on ourselves?

Joining in on 5 Question Friday

One of the blogs I enjoy reading is My Little Life.  On Fridays there I see the 5 Question Friday link up.  I always think, "Someday I will try that!"  So, today I am going to give it a try.  It's a blog hop!

If you don't know what a blog hop is, read this definition directly from the Linky folks:

"What is a blog hop? A blog hop is a linky list that is SHARED ON MULTIPLE BLOGS. When several blogs put the same linky list code on their blog, the exact same list appears on each blog. Blog visitors can submit their entries on any blog that contains the list. The entries will appear on each blog where the list resides. Blog readers see the same list on each blog, and can "HOP" from blog to blog seeing the same list of links to follow: BLOG HOP!"

If you have a blog and want to join in, here are the rules for 5 Question Friday (5QF):

"Rules for 5QF: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog post, answer them, then watch for the linky post to appear Friday morning and LINK UP!"  

Here are the questions as well as my answers.  Even if you don't have a post, you can answer the questions in my comments section if you'd like!

1. What were you scared of as a kid?
     I remember that I was pretty frightened by rattle snakes.  We lived near a place called Rattle Snake Hill for awhile and we saw plenty of them.  Even after we moved from there I had scary rattle snake dreams for years, even into adulthood!

2. Do you sleep well in a hotel?
     I absolutely LOVE sleeping in a hotel!  Really, I love it.  I admit that all the stories about bedbugs has been a bit off-putting but I still love it.  I don't know that I really sleep all that well but even when I wake up in the night, I enjoy just knowing that I'm waking up in a hotel, a place where I am not in charge of making the beds, doing dishes, etc.  OK, sometimes I still make the beds but it just looks nice that way.  I don't want the maids to think we are pigs.



3. If you could meet any celebrity, dead or alive, who and why?
     I long wanted to meet John Denver.  My husband was a big fan of John Denver music so I paid attention to him as well.  Listening to his music, I started thinking that John Denver was searching for something, some kind of forgiveness and peace.  I thought we could point him in the right direction for that.  I wanted to bring him home for dinner and let he and Mike get to know each other.  Maybe Mike could have counseled he and Annie and they could have stayed together, filling up each other's senses with sunshine all over their shoulders in the Rocky Mountains... HIGH in the Rocky Mountains.



4. It's a hot summer day. Do you prefer to be pool side or at the beach?
     Absolutely the beach!  I enjoy a nice pool and love the smell of chlorine (not kidding), but watching the power and the beauty of a natural body of water is by far my preference... the bigger the body of water, the better!  Take me to the ocean any day!

5. What is your favorite summer dish?
     No particular "dish" came to mind but a fresh, juicy peach makes me all happy!  I don't want an imposter peach!  You know what I mean, the kind that look delicious, maybe even have lots of juice, but no flavor.  Nope.  I want one that is sweet AND juicy AND pretty.  I want to eat it while sitting on a wrap-around porch with the juice running down my arm.  By the way?  Do you eat the skin on peaches?  Not for me.  I tried and tried because I think that seems all mother earthy but I just don't like the fuzz. 


There!  I finally joined up for 5 Question Friday and I'm kind of proud of myself!  Join me if you'd like, or just click on some of the other blogs in the list.  Have fun!

Good-Bye Talking

Yesterday Maria and Cordelia and I drove to the town where my Mom lives.  After picking her up we met my aunt and one of my cousins at the cemetery.  You see, they are the designated family grave decorators for Memorial Day and we had been invited to go help pick up the flowers with them.  I was happy to go as I didn't really know where all the family grave sites were.

It's a sad thing, to go to a cemetery and see names of people you love and miss.  I know my people are not really there but sometimes I think it is good to have a place to visit, a place to remember.   There is something kind of peaceful about feeling that connection to the generations over time.  I don't really know how to put it into words but I think it gives a sweet perspective.

Even among the living, we had a generations thing going on.  We were blessed to have my Grandma Rose for the first year of Cordelia's life and we had a five generations of women photo then.  We are down to just four generations now but I realize we are still truly blessed.  This photo shows Cordelia surrounded by her Great-Grandma Grace, Grandma Sue (me) and her mother, Maria.

OK, as long as I am showing you a photo of my Mom, I should clear something up.  Yesterday I showed a photo of her laughing.  Behind her are lots of alcohol bottles.  For the record, I took that photo at a Mother's Day Brunch and the bottles were not her's.  She was just drinking water.  There.  I straightened that out.  Happy, Mom?  

 When we were finished we were all standing around by the cars, visiting before we went our separate ways.  It was then that Cordelia said something that showed unusual perception for a child of just 2 1/2.  She said, "Mommy, are we good-bye talking?"

Genetic Laughter Seizure Syndrome

We have a serious disorder that runs in our family.  I simply can't conceal it any longer.  I am thinking of organizing some kind of fundraiser or applying for a grant to support research as little is known about this disorder.  Maybe our daughter-in-law, Sara, will head up the research.  Of course, I will have to ask her to stop her present research looking for genes associated with liver cancer and such.  I'm sure she won't mind as she realizes the severity of our condition.

You see, there is little known of this syndrome that runs in our family.  It seems to affect the females more than the males.  I am guessing it is caused by some as yet unknown mutation.  Perhaps it began with my mother as she is the first one I've known to suffer extensively from this.

She passed it on to me.  

I passed it on to Maria.

I am sorry to report that Cordelia even shows early signs of it.

This dreadful Genetic Laughter Syndrome causes out-of-control attacks of laughter.  You might even say we have laughter seizures.  These attacks often begin with little or no warning.  We don't usually even get an aura as some do before a migraine attack.  We might even be in a formal or serious situation when it occurs.  It can be completely distressing and socially unacceptable.

Occasionally we cause quite a scene as people around us may think we are sobbing.

Physically these attacks can be gravely dangerous.  It becomes difficult to breathe!  Drooling is a serious risk.  Because of that risk, it is advisable to cover our mouths with our hands.

As people begin to stare it seems to increase the intensity of the seizure.    

Even as the laughter seizure begins to resolve, there is an extended period of recovery before we reach full functionality again.   Often there are tears to be wiped.

It takes time to regain composure.  A period of total and complete exhaustion sets in.  It really is utterly dreadful but we do not seek your pity, only your understanding.

Please watch for future fundraising events to help find the cure for this Genetic Laughter Seizure Syndrome (GLSS).  We simply must seek the cause so that a cure can be found.  If you are interested in organizing your own events on our behalf, such as a walk-a-thon or a bake sale, please contact me.  I thank you in advance for your care and concern.