Retro Post... Painting

This month marks 4 years of blogging for me. When I first started, I didn't tell anyone.  I didn't expect I would keep up with it and I was kind of embarrassed by my efforts. That still happens sometimes but still, I keep writing posts. 

I thought that this month I'd like to resurrect some of my old posts, some I like. I'm going back to February of 2011 for this one...

Painting

I was painting our bedroom recently.  As is my custom, I began with a message.  

I like thinking that what I wrote is still there, under the coats of paint I added later.

The Marriage Tree

Recently Mike & I went on a day trip and while we were walking around we came upon this delightful and magnificent tree. Or is it trees?

Yes, we discovered that it was two individual trees that had grown together. They each had their own branches but at their core, they were intertwined and it was apparent they could no longer be separated. Besides the branches being wrapped protectively around each other, you could only imagine that the roots underground were tangled together for many feet down into the soil and for a large circumference around the place where we stood.

As I looked at it, I saw such beauty in the situation. I said, "And two shall become one..." That is when Miked called it The Marriage Tree. Doesn't it make a sweet visual for a strong marriage?

A Good Decision

No, we are not in St. Louis again. Too bad! However, I just wanted to post a picture of the two of us together as today is our 36th anniversary! Really? How could 36 years have gone by so quickly? It seems crazy to me!

What wasn't crazy, though, was our decision to spend those years together. I've been grateful over and over and over again that we get to spend our lives together. That was a good decision!

Celebrating Our Anniversary

A Shared Path - 35 Years

God

Growing

Memories

June 11, 1978

Commitment

Loving

Grieving

Golden Fields

Music

Family

Laughter

Children

Call to Ministry

Good-Byes

Prayers

Seattle

Comfort

Adventure

Minnesota

Illness

Friends

Forgiveness

Montana

Exploring

New Mexico

Hiking

Cruising

Long Talks

Hawaii

River Floats

Exhaustion

Relaxation

St. Louis

River Walk

Steadfast

Cultural Differences

I meant to sleep in this morning but it was not to be.  By 5:00 it was all over as far as sleeping.  So, I got up and started a load of laundry, prepared a warm cup of coffee and sat down to watch "Mary, Mother of Jesus". It is a film from 1999 and seemed like a great pre-Christmas Day movie to watch.

(Mary and Joseph as portrayed in "Mary, Mother of Jesus")

As I am watching this movie I find myself wondering about Mary and Joseph and their relationship prior to their wedding.  This movie portrays them as very loving and tender toward each other as they plan to get married.  It is also possible that they barely even knew each other.  Either way, God was able to work with that marriage to provide parents to raise Jesus in a loving environment.

I met a lot of people this week. I've always been a person to whom others share personal information.  I'm not quite sure why but it has been true at least since I was about junior high age. This week I met two contrasting families.  In neither case did I ask the parents about the history of their marriage, they just volunteered information. Actually, the wives volunteered information.  In both cases the husbands were pretty quiet. One seemed cold and the other, just shy.

The first wife told me she and her husband had just had their wedding two weeks prior.  She made a little laughing sound and commented that they had three children together but wanted to be certain of their own relationship before marrying.  I was in a situation where I did not feel it was appropriate for me to comment.  She told me they waited so long because they felt it would reduce their risk of divorce. Then, she ASKED me, "Don't you agree?"  I kept my answer brief, something about statistics showing that couples living together before marriage actually have a higher divorce rate.  I was sorry that came out of my mouth. There was no point to it as they can't go back in time and do it differently anyway.  I stumbled along saying things about how the important thing is to work on having a healthy marriage now.

What I would have said to this couple BEFORE they had three children would be something about having a secure relationship prior to adding babies to it. A shaky relationship is a shaky foundation for children. Children are a big commitment and I certainly believe it works better if the parents are first committed to each other.  I doubt they would have listened anyway. We are from different cultures, even though we live in the same community.

The second couple had foreign names and the husband had a strong accent.  Making conversation, I just asked where they were from and I learned more than I'd expected.  The young mother was raised here in Wyoming but her father was from a middle Eastern country.  She simply said, "I had an arranged marriage." That came as quite a surprise! Her husband was pretty quiet but he seemed comfortable with her disclosure. She told me they did not meet until their wedding day!  I was fascinated and wanted to ask a lot of questions about that.  How did that work out? Were they frightened? Were they disappointed? How awkward did it feel? I asked none of those things only because it wasn't my place.

I didn't really spend an extensive amount of time getting to know either of them but my intuitive feeling was that the second couple seemed much more loving toward each other than the first. That may be a result of their individual personalities, their family culture or many other things.  All I know is the first couple seemed tense.  The husband actually seemed a bit angry and his new wife seemed to need a lot of reassurance.  I don't know how it would've been for her but for me I would've felt quite insecure all those years of waiting to be found deserving of a commitment. I know I jumped to the conclusion that it was her husband who dragged his feet to the altar. That is just how it felt to me as I spoke with them.

The second couple seemed to have a sweet relationship.  Do you know what I mean?  I caught them passing little looks and smiles between each other.  I'm telling you, it was hard for me to not badger them with questions.

Cultural differences are intriguing.  Of course some differences are seriously wrong, such as allowing the persecution of women and children.  Other cultural differences, though, might deserve our respect. No, I'm not advocating for arranged marriages but I am an advocate for commitment.

What are your thoughts on this?

Marriage Goal

On the news last night I saw a couple who have been married for more than 70 years.  They had no words of wisdom to offer.  They just liked spending time together and they were fortunate enough to both live long, healthy lives.  It made me wonder if I would have any words of wisdom for people regarding marriage.  Later, I was reading a book and came upon the following quote.  It seemed worth passing along.

The goal in marriage               

is not to think alike, 

but to think together.

         --Robert Dodds 

True Love or Idolatry?

I heard an interesting comment on KLOVE yesterday.  To be honest, I tuned in at what seemed to be the last few sentences of a thought-provoking conversation.  They were discussing how we (humans) try to find something or someone to idolize.  I totally agree with that.  That isn't new.  Biblically the Israelites were constantly being pulled away from following the idols of other nations as well as creating their own.

When some people think of worshipping idols I know they think of a gold or marble statue.  Most people I know wouldn't think of idolizing a man-made statue.  However, I was taught that anything we let become more important to us than God could be considered our idol.  That could include money, cars, houses, sports or really anything.  The discussion on KLOVE was something different yet.  They were talking about idolizing a person. 

Although I missed most of the discussion, I did find the letter that started their discussion posted on their site.  It was from Scotty Smith, Pastor for Preaching, Christ Community Church, " ...it’s idolatrous to give anybody the power to make us through their affirmation, or destroy us by their rejection."  Wow!  My first thought was that a lot of old love songs have it all wrong!  The attitude of I'll-just-die-if-you-don't-love-me or I-can't-live-without-you is wrong from many different angles but I'd never thought of it as idolatry.  What do you think?

The more I thought about it the more I agreed.  To allow anyone, even your most beloved people, to have that kind of power over you really is a form of idolatry as it totally gets in the way of you fulfilling your calling as a Child of God.   When pondering this I first thought of teenagers and the drama of love in their lives.  If a teenager believes their happiness is dependent on the acceptance of another, that is taking God to a lower level.  That is idolatry.

I thought this out even further.  I think most of us who are happily married, at some point, wonder how we could possibly be happy if our spouse were to die.   I've seen people wrap their grief around themselves and hold onto it for years, allowing that grief to keep them from living as a confident Child of God.  Is that a form of idolatry?  I had never thought of it that way but I kind of think maybe it is.

However you think of it or look at it, anything that comes before God in your life is likely idolatry, even if it is a person.  We are called to love others.  We are made to have sustaining relationships but none of them should ever be more important to us than our relationship with God.  That's what I think.

Thank-you for stopping by. Feel free to use my photos but please link them back to my blog. I am honored if you wish to share content of any of my posts on Facebook, Twitter, etc. as long as it is linked back to my blog.

Beth Moore, Travis Cottrell and Marriage Encounter

What are your plans for the week-end?   Anything fun?

We have a busy one ahead for us.  Tonight and tomorrow we are going to be at a Beth Moore event.  If you don't know who that is, check here and here.  It will be fun.  I enjoy her speaking style.  She can be earnest and funny at the same time.  I've not heard her live but I've attended many of her video Bible study sessions.  Tonight I am a helper and will be assisting people to their seats or something like that.  My responsibilities end when the program begins so I won't miss any of it. 

Travelling with Beth is Travis Cottrell.  Do you know him?  If you listen to KLOVE you've heard his music.  Our worship team sings some of his songs as well.  Travis stopped in at our church yesterday and Mike got to meet him.  I'd tried earlier in the afternoon to just "happen" to drop by but my timing was off so I didn't get to meet him.  I'm really looking forward to the music part of the evening.  Thousands of people singing worship songs together is quite an experience I expect!

Also this week-end Mike and I will be attending a closing service at a Marriage Encounter Week-end.  Have any of you been to a Marriage Encounter Week-end?  Mike and I think highly of Marriage Encounter.  It is a great organization that makes these week-ends available for couples as a way to strengthen their marriage. 

I was kind of nervous the first time I heard about a Marriage Encounter Week-end.  Working on marriage issues in a crowd seemed like an intimidating thing.  As it turned out, privacy is greatly respected.  The basic format was simple.  You all stay at a hotel for the week-end, leaving the world behind.  It is advised to leave the tv off, leave watches behind and just focus on your marriage.  Our week-end was in 1988 in Denver, CO.  The St. Louis Cardinals were in the World Series that week-end!  It is possible that our tv came on a bit, but what happens in Denver stays in Denver ok?

During the week-end they had sessions where speakers introduced topics and told their stories.  Couples attending are never put on the spot to tell their own stories, though.  Instead, we were all given questions to answer by writing in our own notebooks.  One member of the couple would do this up in the room while the other sat in the conference room or another quiet spot.  After a certain amount of time the couple is reunited in their own room to discuss answers.  That basic format was repeated all week-end, covering various topics.  We were given lots of good information to help develop great communication skills. 

After attending a Marriage Encounter Week-end couples are encouraged to join a small group of local couples.  We had so much fun with our couple friends!   I think the first time we were in a group of 4 or 5 couples and we met monthly to do small exercises similiar to the ones done at the week-end.  We had so much fun, though, and made some great friendships as a couple.  I fondly remember a lot of laughter.

We are not attendees for this week-end but we've been given the names of a couple that are attending.  Mike and I will be praying for them this week-end.  Every great marriage has an influence on others around them.  We will be praying for this couple to develop a great marriage, to learn skills to help them stay close to each other and to always, always keep God in the center of their marriage.  We have a candle that we will be burning this week-end, helping us remember to pray. 

On Sunday afternoon we will meet this couple and give them the candle.  Cool, huh?

Thank-you for stopping by. Feel free to use my photos but please link them back to my blog. I am honored if you wish to share content of any of my posts on Facebook, Twitter, etc. as long as it is linked back to my blog.

History Lesson

I have been reading others' blogs and noted that some use their blogs to document personal history.  I liked that idea so I am going to do a bit of that today.  I thought I'd start with 1978, when we married.

Today, I am showing a picture of our very first home.  Mike and I married at age 20 in Montana.  Not long after we were engaged we found out that Mike's Dad had cancer.  He became very ill and by the time we married we'd modified our plans and decided to live in Turner, MT so that Mike could help his Dad with the farm. 

The interesting thing about this house is that my parents had been living in it for much of the previous year.  I didn't grow up there but of course stayed there with them when I came home for college breaks that year.  They moved out just a week or two before we got married and moved in. 

We paid $40 a month to rent this mansion.  No, that wasn't a typical rental price even then, but this was a town of less than 100 people only 12 miles from the Canadian

Border.  I don't think there were many people looking for a place to rent there!

The upstairs had no heat but we only lived there for the summer so that wasn't a big deal.  Mike went out to the farm each day so I was home alone to do the homemaker thing.  Wow!  Was I ever a great housekeeper!  I washed the floors every single day.  I scrubbed walls, gardened the beautiful garden my Mom had planted before she moved out, and did a LOT of cooking.  Mike finally had to clue me in that I did not have to cook such big meals for him.  I had thought farmers needed to eat a lot I guess.  I'm sure his Mom was feeding him well at lunchtime on the farm also.  Well, he did not go hungry that Summer!

While living there I took in 2 wild kittens from the farm.  They were mostly white but each had a tiny spot on them.  I called them Spot and Dot.  That seems pretty lame now.  I enjoyed them, but we were just foster parents as they were to eventually go live with Mike's cousin and his wife.  They kept me entertained that summer.

This was the view from the front of that house.

We only lived there for a few months and then we moved to Havre, MT to get jobs for the Winter.  We'd been gone from this house about a month when we discovered Mike's wedding ring was missing (obviously he didn't wear it much).  The last place we remembered seeing in was on the dresser when we were living at this little house.  So, we went back and got permission to go inside.  No one was living there.  Sure enough, on the floor near where our dresser had been, hidden behind the floor length curtains, we found his ring!  Mike really doesn't care to wear jewelry and to this day does not wear that ring, but I am still glad we found it.

So, that is where our married life began.  In my memory it was a sweet and simple time of getting used to life together.  We laughed a lot but this is also where we lived when grief first flooded in.  Mike's Dad died just a month after our wedding, leaving an unfillable hole.  I didn't know anything about helping Mike through that, but at least we were together.

So, that was a brief trip back to 1978.  We'll save more history for another time.  

Come to Me

33 years ago today Mike sang this song, one he wrote, as I walked down the aisle toward him...

COME TO ME

I woke up this morning and I thanked my Lucky Star

That I get to know and love this person that you are

I opened up my window and the wind walked right in

Blowing warm and gentle so soft upon my skin

It reminded me of you and the way you love to please

You're flowing ever faithful, you're the whispering of peace

chorus:

Come to me, you're my serenity

Lay me down in understanding, Lift me up along my way

To walk with you into this day

Come to me for an eternity

Your spirit and mine

Another day has come to pass, another step into my life

Another passenger has coming aboard to be my loving wife

You sure can wait a long time for the seasonn to be right

And you can watch the stars above

You can wish with all your might

But I'll place my bet on true love

It's the kind that comes to stay

It holds on in the darkness, it lights the brand new day

25 years later he wrote...

I Want To Go On With You

chorus: I want to go on with you

That's what my headlines say

That's my big news today

I want to go on with you

Through the good times, through the trials

I wanna walk the future miles with you

I want to go on with you

I'm lookin back now on all our time

I'm reminiscing and I guess that's fine

In fact, that's what I want to do

I want a chance just to say

That I've had many good days with you

I want to journey here some more

And dance upon life's floor with you.

chorus

I'm hoping that these words are okay

But I think I know you feel the same way

You have really been good for me

I know I'm a better man

 You have helped me understand what's true

So I need to say thankful words

For my life's been stirred by you.

Mike, I'm so grateful that I've had all these years with you. 

I still find you fascinating! 

I am so very grateful for our time together. 

You are a good man and I love sharing this life with you!  

Happy Anniversary!

  (Go to this site for these and other Mike Struck originals.)  http://origin.cdbaby.com/cd/mikestruck 

Painting

I was painting our bedroom recently.  As is my custom, I began with a message.  I like thinking that what I wrote is still there, under the coats of paint I added later.