Crying My Eye Out

I am going to tell you about a mistake I made this past week-end.

Have any of you ever used Clear Care to clean your contact lenses? It seems to do a superb job. It was recommended to me because I had been having trouble with my contacts being uncomfortable at times. I was also warned that if used like regular saline solutions, it would really sting. It contains hydrogen peroxide. Your contacts go in a little cage and down into a container with some of the solution. That little cage has special material that neutralizes the hydrogen peroxide when left to soak for at least 6 hours. Ok. I can do that.

When I was putting my first contact in Saturday morning I blinked and dropped it. I picked it up off the counter and reached for my saline solution to rinse it. You've probably guessed by now what I did. Yes, instead of rinsing it with the saline solution I rinsed it with the Clear Care solution. I even filled it with a drop of extra solution as my eyes were real dry. Without my contacts in, I just didn't realize I'd grabbed the wrong bottle.

The pain that followed is hard to describe. I'm not saying it was like childbirth, but it was quite intense! It took some time for me to be able to pry my open to get the contact out. I then tried to flush my eye with tap water. It would have been better to flush from the saline bottle I suppose. I've since read that another idea is to immediately step into the shower with your clothes on, holding the eye open for flushing. Another way is to fill a cup with water, bend over and place the affected eye over the cup then tip cup and face back together for flushing. I'm telling you all this in case you ever have need to flush your eye in a hurry. I just used the faucet along with a splashing technique. It was hard but gave me some relief anyway.

For awhile my eye was just stinging and very, very red. Later it felt like I had rocks under my eyelid. Light started bothering my eye as well. My clip-on sunglasses, even indoors, helped. Every blink hurt! It hurt to have my eye open and it hurt more to have it closed. That eye cried tears all day long! It was a wonder I didn't get dehydrated just from the water loss.


Perhaps I should have gone to the ER. If I had been advising someone else, that is what I would have told them. When I went online to see if there was more I could do I read about people getting corneal abrasions and even corneal ulcers from doing what I did. Nevertheless I decided to wait until Sunday morning to decide if I needed more care.

By 8:30 Saturday night I felt exhausted, I guess from the misery. I know, poor me. I took ibuprofen for the pain and later took a couple of Benadryl because I knew I couldn't otherwise sleep. That seemed to help.

By Sunday morning it was feeling better, still sore but most definitely better.  It is still not quite right but my vision has been fine and as long as it keeps improving I expect I will soon be ok.

I found out that this is a common mistake with Clear Care. Most people who use it also have the saline for rinsing. Unfortunately, the bottles are similar and without my contacts in, it was an easy boo boo to make. To be fair, though, Clear Care does have warnings on the bottle. It wasn't that I didn't know how it was to be used. I did know it could sting or burn but I must admit I didn't know it could cause any serious damage.

If you use Clear Care, my advice is to put that bottle in a totally different place from your saline. You likely use the Clear Care just at night when taking out the contacts so just put it in a cupboard or something far from the other. Don't leave the two bottles side by side. As for me, I got rid of mine.  

Equip Yourselves

I was listening to KLOVE recently. They were interviewing Jason Gray and he said something that kind of caught my attention. He was talking about the trials we all endure, not the same trials but we all have difficulties and problems in our lives. He commented that some of the worst things the devil throws at us can be turned around to best equip us for ministry to others.

Jason Gray went on to talk about some of the misery people endure. The one that caught my attention was divorce. I've not been divorced but I know and love many people who have gone through that and I know that it was one of the worst things they ever endured. I saw the heartbreak. I saw the pain. I saw the suffering. Through it all I have to admit I usually didn't think any good would come of it. Sometimes the sadness and grief over the loss of a marriage was so overwhelming and the pain could extend far beyond just the two people in the marriage. I couldn't see any good coming from it.

After thinking about it, I realized there was truth in what he said. Someone who has suffered through marital distress and divorce is certainly better equipped to help someone else through a similar loss. Better yet, they may even be able to help others prevent such an outcome. Who knows? I just know that we have all suffered in some way from evil in this world. If we can somehow turn that pain around to equip us for ministry, what a triumph over evil that would be!

What have you endured that you feel has better equipped you?

Ephesians 4:12

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹² to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ...

What is Your Most Treasured Memory?

Two of my friends are leading a Bible Study at our church. It is a short (6 week) course. I purchased the book and said I would be a part of the class but knew I would miss the first class as it began the week we were in Arizona. Well, it turned out the second class was on an evening when I had a another meeting. The third week? I got sick and couldn't go.

Last night I FINALLY attended the class and I rather enjoyed it, even if I didn't much know what was going on. The class is based on a lecture study by Beth Moore.

Beth Moore has a way of looking at scripture, pointing out things that I maybe would have read over without much thought. Reading from Deuteronomy 26 she was pointing out one such event. Oh, I forgot to explain that we watch a video of Beth Moore going over the lesson for probably the first hour of class.  OK, so she was pointing out how the Israelites would recite the story of their Jewish history, particularly their escape from slavery. She said it may have been their most treasured memory. 

Beth Moore asked the question, "What is your most treasured memory?"

I started pondering all the possibilities. The birth of our children came to mind. Maybe it was a special time with Mike. Perhaps my most treasured memory is a childhood memory with my Mom.

A story of slavery and a scary escape would not necessarily be a happy memory. Beth pointed out that our most treasured memory may not be a happy memory either. Her thought is that your most treasury memory is the one you cling to, the one that defines who you are in this life. She said it may be a very horrible thing but you are treasuring it if you cling to that memory and give a lot of energy to it.

I don't think I exactly have something like that, but I maybe once did. I thought of something that really hurt me. I had someone who should have protected my childhood but tarnished that role. I had quite a few years in my life where I kept the hurt from my disappointment in my treasure box. I thought about it all the time. I took it out during quiet moments and cried over it. When I wanted to feel sorry for myself that memory became the tool I used to open up wounds. In a perverse way, I was treasuring it.

I won't be sharing much more about that. Don't worry about me. I have shared it with plenty of people. Mike helped me a lot through those years. I no longer feel wounded by it and I don't have a need to talk about it on my blog. I only bring it up now, because maybe someone reading this blog knows what that is like. Maybe someone else is now realizing they've been treasuring something unworthy of that kind of dedication. I guess I just want to encourage you to let it go. If you can't do it on your own, please seek assistance. I'm not a professional in such matters but maybe the first thing is to simply limit the amount of time you spend thinking about that which hurts you. Put that treasured memory up and take some of your lovely memories down from the shelf. Define yourself by the worthy memories, rather than the unworthy. 

What I Did and Didn't Know Then

Yesterday, as I was looking for photos of my little sister, I stumbled upon this photo of Mike and me when we were 18 years old.

I know, it's terrible quality.  You have to remember that waaaaaay back then, we were lucky to have enough film in a camera to take even a few photos.  I never took a whole roll at once so it remained in the camera, sometimes for months (years?).  THEN, it was sent off to somewhere like Seattle Filmworks.  Often, when that fat package returned with my prints, I had no idea what photos would be in there.  Usually, few or none were of good quality but nearly all were saved as they were the best we had to remember the pictured event.   

So, terrible quality or not, looking at this photo makes me happy.  It was taken our senior year of high school.  Mike and I had been dating for about a year at that time.  This was taken in the living room of the Christian Church parsonage in Turner, MT... my high school home.  The paintings on the wall were created by my mother.   The photo on the wall is my older brother, who at that time lived so far away we rarely got to see him.  Those striped chairs behind us had been reupholstered more than once by my talented mother.  I made my own prom dress and added that shawl that was a gift from my Grandma.  Mike looked especially cool in his blue polyester leisure suit.  We already knew we loved each other but we knew very little of what our future would hold.  Look at us, though.  Don't we look pleased with ourselves?  It was a happy night.

When I look at that photo, I clearly remember all the hope and excitement for the unknown future. I also remember being a bit nervous.  There is often a lot of pressure on high school seniors to have some things figured out.  How many times are seniors asked about their future plans... what path do they plan to follow?  It's kind of crazy, huh?

The evening that photo was taken, I thought I'd likely go to college to learn sign language as I prepared to teach deaf students.  As it turned out, that wasn't my path at all.  When that photo was taken I'd not yet realized that I really, really needed to be a nurse.  I didn't know anything about Mike's future as a pastor...absolutely no clue.  I didn't know that we'd have a daughter and two sons that would become more important to us than almost anything.  I didn't know Mike and I would someday live in the Seattle area, New Mexico, Wyoming and other places together.  I most certainly did not even consider being grandparents together and loving two precious little girls so much our hearts almost explode.  I had more happiness in my future than I was even able to imagine!

I also didn't know much about grief and loss.  I didn't know what it would be like to be a young wife trying to help a 20 year old husband deal with the loss of his Dad while taking over the responsibility of a farm all on his own.  I didn't know the anguish of miscarriage or the pain caused by learning someone I trusted was not trustworthy.  I didn't know about days when I'd only see Mike for 10 minutes because he was so busy helping other people.  I had a lot of challenges and sadness I'd not yet experienced.  I didn't know what it was like to have children in the hospital.  I had never worked so many hours straight that I was in tears by the time I went home. I didn't know what it was like to worry about household expenses, tuition, children in the hospital or any of those concerns of life.  Even though all of those things eventually molded me into a stronger person, I'm glad I didn't have to know about them ahead of time.

When that photo was taken I didn't know that someday I'd carry around a tiny computer/camera (smartphone) that would give me instant photos and that'd I'd post them for the whole world to see.  In fact, I didn't know that posts would be anything except something to hold up a fence.  I am certain I could not have imagined the power of the internet.  I thought I knew a lot back then, but there was so much more to come.  There were so many changes to embrace/endure.  There was so much adventure ahead!

Looking at the photo, though, I remember that I DID know that I was well-loved by my family, Mike and most importantly, by God.  I trusted that my future was secure because of that.  I still do.  I still look forward to more adventures.  I still feel blessed to have Mike by my side, just as I did in that photo.  I still know that I am loved.

Jesus, Refuge of the Weary

Jesus, refuge of the weary,

Blest redeemer, whom we love,

Fountain in life's desert dreary,

Savior from the world above:

Often have your eyes, offended,

Gazed upon the sinner's fall;

Yet upon the cross extended,

You have borne the pain of all.

Text: Girolamo Savonarola, 1452-1498; tr. Jane F. Wilde, 1826-1896

Tune: Herrnhut, c.1735