Why me?

Bode does his business with lightening speed before dashing back inside.

We are having a White Thanksgiving!  Yep, we've got lots of white here today.  I don't know how many inches we have but enough of it was forecast that a lot of us changed our travel plans for this holiday.  We often go to my Mom's house and celebrate Thanksgiving there with my sister and her family.  That won't be happening today.  There are more than 100 miles of prairie between us and that prairie is all ice and snow today.  Luckily, our plan B is just a lovely.  We will be with Maria and Eric (daughter and son-in-law) and Cordelia and Elise (granddaughters) as well as our son, Sam.  

Our house is already starting to take on that holiday smell as I am making pies, rolls and vegan stuffing.  Maria is taking on most of the cooking, which is good.  She is an excellent cook and I always look forward to seeing what she has put together.  It will be a good day!

This week I have been thinking about how lucky blessed I have been.  Certainly my life has not gone as I had planned and I do not get everything I think I need.  However, I was thinking about the fact that all of the things I wanted most have been fulfilled for me.  

For one thing, I have always felt loved and protected by God, even during the hard times.  I have never felt abandoned.  That sounds kind of dramatic but honestly, I have observed that many have felt abandoned during much of their lives.  I have not ever truly experienced that... except maybe that time my parents left preschooler me at church.  No, just kidding, Mom!  I have never felt abandoned.

There are other dreams I had that have come true for me.  First, I married a great man.  I am so very grateful that God's plan for my life included Mike.  I was exactly the kind of girl who could have easily married someone abusive in some way.  I am not going to say much about that but my Dad was broken somewhere early in his life and if I'd married someone just like my Dad, my life would have been much more difficult.  I made my choice very early, knowing I wanted to marry Mike when I was 17 years old.  Not everyone decision I made at age 17 was the best and I am aware I could have made a gigantic mistake.  I didn't.  I've already enjoyed more than 37 years of marriage to a creative, funny, deep, quirky and spiritual man.  Not only have I been blessed with a good man, my children and grandchildren have been blessed by a dad and grandpa that loves them deeply.  I am so grateful.  But why me?  Not everyone has experienced a satisfying marriage.

I also really, really wanted to be a mother.  I am very aware that not everyone who wants children has that dream come true for them.  My gratitude for my children is huge!  Each of them is different than the other, with their own styles, their own dreams and their own ways of showing their love for me.  I've not always done things as well as I wish I had as a Mom, but still, they love me.  Again, I am so grateful!  But again, why me?  

Friends!  I have had so many friends!  Some friends are "forever" friends and some were there during different periods of my life, adding sparkle and contentment to my days.  I've had friends who have helped me through illness, grief and even friends who've shown up to help load moving trucks.  Now, that is a good friend, huh?!  I've had friends who have brought me in to enjoy the special days of their lives as well.  I've been a bridesmaid (matron) three times and I even had a friend invite me to be with her when she had one of her babies.  For every moment spent with a friend, I am grateful.

Mike & I have extended family that have been such a strong scaffolding for our marriage.  No couple is an island. We have always had extended family willing to enrich our lives and support our marriage.  I am very, very grateful for that. Not everyone has that blessing.

Grandchildren!  As a young girl I envisioned my future with a husband and children but I don't really think I dreamed of grandchildren at that time.  Apparently I was rather short-sighted.  The two granddaughters we have are such a joy!  They have so much personality!  They are so loving toward us, making us feel like celebrities every time they see us!  I so love watching them grow and learn and experience their own lives.  I just didn't understand until I experienced this grandparent thing for myself.  I am grateful!

I was typing this post as I was cooking steel cut oatmeal.  I had choices today for breakfast.  I could have made waffles or scrambled eggs or pancakes or just had Cheerios.  I have what I need for any of those breakfast meals. My point?  I've never been without food.  Yes, I've looked in my refrigerator and thought, "There's nothing to eat." It was never really true, though.  I've always had food.  I am grateful.

I have a home.  Often I think it is one of the "before" homes for an HGTV show but really, we have more than we need.  I am grateful.  Our "before" home would seem like a castle to many in this world.

So, I ask, "Why me?"  Why did I get to grow up so loved and well cared for?  Why did my biggest dreams come true?  Why do I get to be so content? 

Why me?  

My Cup is Overflowing

I was going through old photos again tonight. I came upon this one...

I think I was just trying to get photos of the drops of water hanging on that evergreen tree. They were sparkling and pretty. I didn't get any very good close-ups on those drops so I was disappointed with this photograph. However, looking back now, I really like it. There, in the background, the sun was putting on a pretty good show and I wasn't even paying attention to it! I was just focusing (pun intended) on my disappointment over the little drops photo I'd planned.

I wonder how much else I miss in life, what kind of  beauty do I overlook, just because my plan hasn't always gone perfectly? I have some things in my life that have not gone exactly as I thought they should, but in the background of my life, there is so much beauty, so much abundance. 

One of my goals recently has been simply to live a life of more gratitude. I've been given so much, a loving family, useful work, great friends, more than enough food, a home that surpasses my needs, and so much more. My cup is overflowing.

Making Yourself Vulnerable

Recently I was reading from the December 2012 issue of Reader's Digest. Yes, I realize I am a bit late. Anyway, under the Quotable Quotes section I found a little gem that is similar to something I've long felt to be true. It was a quote from Jonathan Safran Foer, "You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness." Isn't that soooooo true?!

To really enjoy something or someone also makes you very vulnerable to pain when or if whatever you enjoy is no longer available to you. Seriously, the only way to avoid loss is to avoid happiness. I've often heard people say they won't have another pet because it hurt too much to lose the last one. I recently heard a friend say she wouldn't consider marriage again because the pain of being widowed was too much. I'm not judging those choices and it certainly isn't my place to decide how much pain is more than someone can handle. I understand why they would say what they said. It does make me think, though, that in order for a loss to be painful, we first had something pretty wonderful...something worthy of being missed.

I let my mind momentary travel down that "what if..." road. I thought of potential losses in my life that would devastate me, at least for a bit. I live in a house that isn't fancy or big by local standards, but in some parts of the world would be thought large enough for multiple families I suppose. I am never hungry, at least not because I have no food. I have plenty of clothes, lovely art work to enjoy, heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer, a cell phone, a computer and so much more! What I value most, though, are the relationships in my life.  Due to the nature of the human body, though, any of those I love can be gone in a  heartbeat.

I don't really know how to handle those thoughts other than to be so very grateful for what I have now. All the "stuff" I enjoy is expendable. The relationships are not. I have a long list of friends that bring great enrichment to my life. And my family? My family is my joy!

(9/2012 my sister, my mom, my granddaughters and my husband)

I've typed out this last part over and over, and erased what I typed over and over as well. I am trying to tell you about the gift of faith that lets me relax a bit about making myself vulnerable through relationships. I'm trying to tell you that I do not believe that saying good-bye to a loved one in this life is necessarily a permanent good-bye. I was having a lot of trouble trying to do this without sounding sappy. Then, I had a brainstorm! I'd just share a Bible passage that says it better than could I.

1 Corinthians 15:54-57
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. (NLT)

Unlocking the Fullness of Life with Gratitude

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. 

It turns what

 we have into enough, 

and more. 

It turns denial into acceptance, 

chaos to order, 

confusion to clarity. 

It can turn a meal into a feast,

a house into a home, 

a stranger into a friend. 

Gratitude makes sense of our past, 

brings peace for today, 

and creates a vision for tomorrow."

                                                                                                 ....Melody Beattie